if the end of love is this hard. i would never love again. never again.

Monday, March 30, 2009

demoralized

just when i decided to stay up till late to finish my work, forgetting that i have to wake up early for work tml, looking like a panda the next day, etc etc etc...... my computer had to throw tantrum at this very instance.

now i am upset.

the thing that upset me most is that i cannot finish my work, i no longer have enuff time, and i dunno how to face my supervisor.

expectation kills. it kills my mood..

signing out... 1.16am

Sunday, March 29, 2009

anxious --> relaxed

just had dinner moments ago and am back to my computer trying to get things done. feeling a little anxious as i will have to meet my supervisor tml. but i had nothing done up yet... =(

however, thankful to my brother who is using the computer right now.. for making me less anxious.. =) the songs that he is playing.. dun really know the titles.. however, is relaxing.. so instead of feeling anxious now.. i am feeling a lil sleepy.. haha..

there's this weird feeling in me right now. when i think about my brother having to start his uni education this coming aug, especially the course that he is going into... the feeling that we will slowly distance from each other soon kinda surfaced. that made me a lil emo and upset. yeah.. though both of us often quarrell last time. but things are just different now. maybe both of us grew up and kinda respected, understood each other's character more etc.. yeah.. things just change. for the good.. which is even better =D

i suppose i do love my family alot after all. despite often snapping back at my mum.. but somehow, as the years goes by, i tend to not like to express it out.. haha..

an emo entry?

haha.. anyway, that's all.. hope i stay awake and finish everything.. else i will have no time since i am working tml..

nite nite to the lucky ones who can sleep soon =)

signing out... 10.29pm

updates..

hello! good morning~~ ^-^

today i woke up slightly earlier than usual.. =) so here i am updating a lil on the events that happened the past few days..

well, i had been busy with my thesis lately. ever since i handed in the second JW critique. last thursday's meet up with supervisor's session didn't really went well because my the progress on literature review was bad. well.. =/ but my supervisor was kind. so i thought to myself, i can't give up even if it is difficult..

however, guilty to say.. after the meeting on thu, i kinda got slacked a bit. =p in terms of doing school work. i did not do anything. instead, i spend the whole day trying to fix the laptop and desktop once again.. =( yup.. the laptop knocked out the other time and i did not had the time to do it. shortly after, the desktop concuss as well.. zzz.. after my kickboxing lesson on thu (me love kickboxing!), i decided to settle both the laptop and desktop by reformatting them and installing the necessary programs. well, that's basically how i spend my friday.

on saturday, i helped my mum with the housework and lunch. prepared for monday's lesson at the kindergarten and this coming tue's tuition. so... *poof. there goes my saturday as well..

so, today. i will try my best to do the necessary things (the thesis) and not all other stuffs.. =)

before i sign out.. wanna wish my very very best best friend in sec school happy birthday..

happy birthday grace!! *hugx*
wishing ya all the best at work.. and......
let's play badminton!! ^_^

signing out... 10.43am

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

all about literature review

time really really flies.. realised that it was almost one month ago that i blog about how i dread doing my JW critique... was supposed to start doing my literature review right after that. maybe i rested too much. but that was only one day break with the gals to run errands.

anyway, the whole main idea is. i am taking way too long to do my literature review. no use complaining since nothing can be done by complaining. maybe am just instilling guilt in myself. zzz

today's tuition with my student was very bad. she refused to listen to me anymore. in fact, she was a little rude. am trying to figure out what was wrong with her. maybe she dun like the subject? maybe she dun like me?

tml is a new semester at the kindergarten. somehow i am looking forward to it. =p they are going to learn something new. k1 will learn how to do a spot the difference game and to learn what is sorting and the way in which objects can be sorted. k2 will learn what is a spreadsheet and what they can do with a spreadsheet such as drawing a chart.. exciting~~ haha..

that's all. lastly, jiayou once again~

signing out... 7.16pm

Sunday, March 22, 2009

summary of today..

today, i was supposed to be doing my literature review. it was due like many many days ago. weeks maybe? or months? zzz... but i did not get to do any...

the most unfortunate thing happened to my mummy's laptop two days ago. thought my brother and i could just quietly try to repair it without her knowing since she is given one month's medical leave. however, she suddenly said she need to use the laptop as she had to print out some quotations.

in the end, after telling the truth. she got angry and frustrated with me and my brother. but, lucky my brother. he wasn't home. so i was the one that got to face her and the anger that is building inside her. actually, it is understandable why she would be angry. but...........

in order to get her to be in a better mood.. i decided i shall just put my lit review one side and clean the floor, transfer all the files in my laptop, solve the laptop problem, find for the recovery cd that was stuck some where in the storeroom, accompany her out for lunch despite being really lazy to leave the house..

it works! =) and miraculously, my laptop stopped shutting down on its own. for the time being (i myself dunno how it was done.. ) however, the system error box was still present. so i would be reformating the laptop after all.. after my lit review which i hoped can be done soon..

there is so much i want to do!! i want to play badminton, want to fulfill the promise that i would go sing with the uni gals, want to meet my cousins, want to meet kiddo for lunch and many more..

i really need to finish this review.. sigh.. good luck to myself and to the rest who are doing the review as well..

signing out... 11.58pm

help~~

recently something gone out wrong with my mum's laptop. my brother and i are in trouble.. =(

mummy got this laptop specifically for her work. but now, her laptop started to play hide and seek by robooting on it's own. the last two person that used it was me and my brother. that is why we are in trouble.. =/

it seems like some microsoft system error. i am not too sure. but after about five minutes, a blue screen will appear. anyone who had this problem before, please tell me how to resolve.. cos the only way i know now is to reformat it. i had try to temporarily stop the automatic shutdown with some command function etc.. but it does not work. i needed to scan my computer but as it shutdown so fast, i can't scan it. neither can it be done in the safemode..

i can send a printscreen on the error if anyone can help out..

signing out... 11.48am

Saturday, March 14, 2009

sick bug.. stay away..

dunno whether if it is the stress of juggling my school work or other factors. but i think i am falling sick.

yesterday spend the whole day in school to do analysis. but, it was not as smooth going as i hoped. because, i do not know what my supervisor was saying. maybe is due to the long hour in school. by the time we did the testing of hypothesis. i was already a lil concussed. i think my supervisor was as well.

anyway, it was demoralizing at the end of the day. so i decided to take a break at night and not do anything.

me just can't get my lit review done up. feel like punching myself already.. zzz

to all my friends who are rushing for their individual assignments.. good luck and jiayou! dun give up. so that u can tell me not to give up. haha.. *lame*

*sleeping early to chase away the sick bug*

signing out... 12.29am

Monday, March 09, 2009

grow up!

just spoke to a secondary school friend.

conclusion:
1. she made me realised how lost i was the past few years.
2. am no longer young. but yet still acting like i am one
3. independent. in all areas. u have to depend on ur own

hmm..

signing out... 9.54pm

kindergarten

the weather here in singapore is a little crazy.

the whole of yesterday was a really really hot day.

but today. it rained since morning. zzz... and now is so cold.. so nice to sleep~~ =p

today i made a trip down to the kindergarten in which i worked at. not for work. just some training for this week's lesson for the k2. they are going to learn how to use pen tablets to draw pictures for their coursework this week.. exciting? am sure they will be excited.. but i will be in trouble for me... cos they will definitely be: teacher teacher.. the pen dun work, my drawing is ugly.. can i erase. at least tat's what i observed from the class that my supervisor took. hmm.. the students in my supervisor's class is usually the obedient ones.. really! i timed them today. they took about 5 mins to settle down and for the lesson to start. my class? the adorable, mischievous little ones took almost 15mins!! but, they are really smart by always giving me compliments like, teacher, today you are very pretty, your shoes very nice etc etc.. yesh! they are really smart. how can i be angry with them when they say such sweet things right?!!?! haha..

somthings to share:
conversation that i overheard during one of the lesson..

teacher to student: tml there will be no class
student to teacher: why?? are you going to sleep tml?

conversation that happened during my computer lesson..

student - girl: i want to insert a picture of a bride and a groom
classmate: why? who u wanna marry?
student - girl: i want to marry john (nickname)

teacher (me): john, she wants to marry you... how?
student - john: *gave a yucky face* i dun like her. *grumpy*

anyway, i was drenched moments after i left the kindergarten. it was drizzling at first. but the next moment. the rain poured down heavily. so by the time i reached the busstop which was abt 100m, my whole hair was wet as though i just came out from the shower and one uncle standing near me said: remember to bring umbrella... and i returned a weak smile, thanking him for his kindness and wondering is he laughing at me. zzz..

think that's about it for today. gonna be busy once again with assignment. this time is the thesis lit review that was due so many weeks ago. if i dun do it soon, i will get chop by my supervisor. being chop aint the thing that worries me. but the feeling that i disappointed her made me upset..

that is really about it! =)

signing out... 8.44pm

Thursday, March 05, 2009

today was a fruitful day. after so many days of non-stop assignments and assignments.. i finally decided to go out and have a walk. think i becoming a lil like 宅女. always stay at home. dun like to go out.. haha..

anyway, i went out with daphne and jocelyn. daphne had her hair dyed and trim. jocelyn had her nails paint. and me. i had my fringe trim! haha.. am beginning to get used to my current fringe. yup.. had mac for lunch and went to do a lil shopping before going to trim our brows.. had wanted to go to orchard as jocelyn needed to bring her laptop battery for service. but in the end, as there wasn't much time left. so we went back home instead.

overall.. is just a normal day. nothing interesting. nothing exciting. but. it was nice to go out once in awhile. shopping, eating, hanging out. =) saw this jacket at esprit. it was really nice! a lil of a rocker feeling. daphne likes it too!! haha.. but me ain't sure whether that was the jacket that i saw a few days back at another esprit outlet. so i can't wait to go back to that outlet to verify. i love jackets!! weakness for jackets. wahaha.. shall start saving from now.. so no going out until i save enuff to get that jacket? haha..

lastly, to conclude. today i nearly got into an accident. nearly got bang by a car. the 3 of us wanted to cross the road and we saw that the traffic lights were to our favor though the red man was flashed instead of the green. but that was because no one press the traffic lights button. so 3 of us were ready to cross. but i supposed, i walked faster. and suddenly, there was a horn. a car was turning. everything happened in just a few secs. i didn't realised the car. only heard a horn, turn my head, saw the car slowing down but was only a few steps away from me. my body automatically took one small step back (maybe due to the fright). the next thing was a hand pulling me back and by the time i snapped out of it. the car left. and jocelyn was cursing. all these, i think only happened in less than a min. it wasn't major. but i nvr thot i will ever experience such a thing. i perspired even more under the hot afternoon sun. but it was cold sweat. drivers can be really reckless at times. irritated.

lastly, i learnt that there is nothing call free lunch. maybe i was too naively thinking there would be. maybe i was not matured enuff to know there isn't. i dunno. but all i know, after reflecting of the day event. i am thankful towards all my friends who had always helped me along the way. taking out time to participate in the research (some w/o even taking any voucher), helping me during school, and in everyday's event without asking any favors. really thankful to have all of you.

*hugx*

signing out... 12.00am

Monday, March 02, 2009

feeling better ^-^

today i am feeling better. =) thanks for friends who are concern..

i think i was a little frustrated with my assignment which is supposed to be due today. but once again, you know what.

am feeling better today because i got to hear from my friends. =) and after rationalizing.. i think i was being over sensitive and that there wasn't any unhappiness in the first place. we are both scorpios.. wun fight among each other de.. haha..

gotta continue doing the JW critique.. pray i finish by tml morning.. zzz

忍忍忍忍忍忍. jiayou!!

signing out... 4.31pm

Sunday, March 01, 2009

maybe.. just maybe..

i just received one of my friend's email. and i am really very happy. =)

but, i dunno why. after receiving it, some tears started to form.

is not about the content of the email.

maybe it is just stress. maybe it is just me and the silly senses. maybe it is just other things...

signing out... 5.29pm

saddened

Today, i am saddened by a few things.

Firstly, i am saddened that i could not finish my assignment before the deadline. is a feeling that i could not explain. a feeling of as to why it is happening always. a hateful feeling that i am trying to wash away everytime it hit me, making me feels useless.

i am saddened that i haven't been hearing from my friends who are overseas at the moment. despite sending emails. wonder are they busy so they haven't been checking their inbox. maybe cos i remembered the past, remembered them thus i am looking really forward to hear from them.

saddened about friend. i dislike arguments or disagreements. this time round, i dun sense that we were joking but yet showing that we are really unhappy about certain things. in me, it was angry for a sec. but upset and sorry the next moment.

i think i am still behaving like a kid despite being quite old in age. i think like i was of the age 5 years back. but time has past. whatever memories that i once had. was just a memory and things didn't stay like before. and will not stay like before. i am no longer in poly. the events that are happening everyday changes one. changes me. changes everyone. till now, i still need time to rationalize and to accept whatever that is coming to me. changing the naive thoughts and bringing myself out from the idea that, even if the world is revolving, some things never change. instead, there is something call the past, present and future. which is something to face.

signing out... 12.45pm