i am currently in the office. 1 1/2 hour had past. i am still not doing my work.. wonder how do i past my afternoon. feeling sick currently. had very bad premonition. my throat hurts.. the feeling i had in sec1 is back... maybe is time for a rest. for a break. been working too hard for dunno what reason. not forgetting, spending too hard.. :P
my brother didnt went for school this morning. he was sick as well. but he woke up early to read the papers before going to the polyclinic. he made me a cup of drink before i went out. he was so sweet... *blush


felt happie for myself yesterday. i made myself to go all the way down to orange grove road (somewhere near orchard) to pay my english test fees. luckily i went down yesterday. coz it was the last day for payment. guess i must keep reminding myself to be more alert n not laze or drag. else there are many things that i would have miss..


geez.. throat still hurts. my ear also hurt. is those "u gonna be sick" feeling i suppose. though my face look perfectly fine. but is the inner me that's hurting. aint visible..
getting blur. dunno what am i writing.....
btw, kudos to cs.. he really did try to cheer me up yesterday night. thankx... =)

yesterday i decided to give nie a try. who knows, i might not even get it.. just like the radiology ehz? haha.. anyway, i got help from my fypj friend. cailing. she is one helpful person. though we seldom talk.. but yeah. she is helpful n nice. despite being busy with her project, she still took time to answer my questions. n thus, i decided. just give it a shot man. haha..


hmm... wish i was busy. not that i am not busy currently.. but i wish i was busy with something with more purpose. like what peng siong always says.. he felt he is wasting his life. which i finally do agree with him. because, i felt like i am not fully making use of my time. hmm.. should i say, spending my life doing nothing interesting or beneficial to myself or whoever.... like some zombie... Zzzz...


know that i should not regret of what happened in the past. like wrong decision making. wrong mindset etc.. but yup. i ain't regretting or what. just people tends to grow up n will somehow or rather think back and realise. what are the things that is handled wrongly. why things turns out this way. well.. just wanted to realise, learn and get over it. just want to master the "art" of taking it easy n that the regret feeling won't be that strong.. n that i am happie a mistake is made so that i can learn from it. that's all.. yup.


sorta think back of the times i first step into poly.. well... i think i enjoyed poly very much. because of the friends. the only flaw is that i wasn't studying happily. remembered during year 1, i will play bball with the guys. till rather late. 9plus. li hui also will join us. we 2 will be the only gal who will play. thankz her for being there. else i feel funny.. haha.. ben was very close to my class too. n he had to pull me out to study else my eyes will just be stuck at the computer playing "counterstrike" haha.. year 2.. i was closer to celeste, peifeng n li hui.. we ton at lihui's house. have lotsa fun. but of course, there's also many arguments.. but yup.. still i really miss those days. n felt very sorry for angering them.. peng siong was like a elder brother, bringing me to school coz i just shifted to my current home.. 3rd year. went to ben's class.. felt very glad.. coz his classmates are all very nice n treated me well.. melissa, seetwei, sean, derrick, crystal etc... yup. it was a new experience in a new class too... =) but it was mdm tay that helped me the most in getting me into the class.. n lastly, not forgetting, i gotta know a silly guy.. haha.. =p


geez.. there's just so much of memories.. n dunno why suddenly everything just appear in my head. now i really really dun feel like doing work.. haha..

Yesterday i took leave because my brother was coughing very badly.. very worried. worried that his cough is somewhat similar to what i had during sec 1. which is - very bad... but *touchwood. he will just be fine after medication.. *i hope...


Mdm Tay replied me today regarding about the diagnostic radiology course that i WANTED to take in the FIRST PLACE.. she said that if i do get that course, i will have to pay >10k. coz the tution grant is no longer applicable for me since i already used it in BI... but anyway, that doesn't matters anymore.. but yup.. glad that she replied. thought she forgotten me... keke...


today was suppose to go out and have sushi etc de.. but last minute something crop up.. i am quite ok.. coz there's always another time. I am SURE.. but i guess cs is rather sad.. hmm.. dun be sad le okie.. coz next time still can eat. the plan can still be carried on. is not cancelled. is postponed... hmmm..he just msg. think he is still rather upset.. geez... well, hope the place that he just got posted to wun be a nightmare.. but even if it turns out to be a nightmare... i am sure he'll pull it through.. right cs? u must be reading.. haha..


ok le... gotta get back to work.. left a few more minutes.. giving my best shot before i go home.. jiayou jiayou jiayou!!! haha... crazy me.. =P

is 10am..currently in the office. when i was walking to the office, i notice the sky was a lil greyish.. no sun. slightly windy. though it seems like a gloomy weather, but actually it is a very nice weather.. n somehow, i just felt better. nt feeling that tired..

one of my childhood fren just celebrated her 21st birthday. i remembered when we were young, she is a very quiet person.. i alwayz think that she is so quiet that she only have a few good friends. but just read her blog n i saw that she actually changed. evolved into someone that is not like what i had alwayz "thought" but very happie for her.. she seems like she really had a great time.. shu hui, happie 21st birthday orhz. =) melissa had arrived safely in brisbane. so glad for her coz she will be embarking in a wat i called new life... being in an unfamiliar country. being independent.. and i am sure she will definitely do well there.. met her on msn there n i told her that if i were her, i would have cried when i first step there. but she said, how old already.. have to learn to be independent.. gee.. i am so proud of her. thus i will jiayou jiayou! =]

yesterday night i tried to register for the radiology.. but... i wasn't able to submit my application successfully.. yup.. because the criteria was A-level.. was feeling dejected then.. felt like everything is blured once again.. even my brother and my mum was beginning to feel worried for my future.. but its OK! even though i am not able to send my application over, but at least i can try asking the person in charge of radiology, to see whether i really do not qualify for that course. if i dun.. then too bad right. will have to seek another way out. yup. though i felt sad then. but i haven't decided to give up yet. so give me credit okie. haha...

well...actually darius dun agree with me going radiology.. coz he say health hazard. n will be boring.. everyday face the machines. so he kept giving me a checklist as to whether i really want such a course.. he has also tried to persuade me to go into the business field like banking and finance.. well.. i will just keep all my options open still.. maybe going into nie will also be one of my options.. but well.. after the radiology thinging, i decided not to think too much first. take one at a time. when i eventually can't get into any course, i suppose is juz destiny or fate n that i have to go through wat's more suitable n not interest... till then, i wun give up..

so cs, dun fear or upset for me or get urself upset..just guide, remind n help me jiayou can le.. keke.. =)

geez.. i am really really tired.. but on the other hand, is i asked for it de.. yesterday went out with my mum.. was suppose to accompany her to get some stuffs for her dinner and dance this saturday. which is tml. but ended up quarrelling with her.. then she went home alone. coz she was too angry.. haiz.. i felt so so bad.. she is already so stress up with many many things.. her work, my studies etc.. n i still can't even hold my frustration.. thus, i said is i asked for it.. now my head is feeling so so heavy.. felt like leaning backwards and knock out.. haha.. well.. today's my mum's birthday. hope i can make her feel better. though i am worried coz she is now at home alone...

my brother, mummy and me, we 3 will be going to Fish n Co at novena for dinner.. but due to my brother's training, guess it will be a late late dinner.. geez... but it gives me time to shop for her present... dun say me mean orhz.. actually have already bought a pair of earrings. sharing with my brother. but felt like buying a necklance. that's if can find something suitable.. shld i get flowers for her? hmmm.. but i dun like holding flowers.. think rather paisehz.. haha..


today meli is leaving for australia.. so sad.. gonna miss her lots.. everyone is leaving and moving on with their life. seeing that, just make me sad for myself.. BUT.. happie for them.. keke.. at least they know what they want.. maybe they will help me realise what i want.. hehe... gonna fall asleep any moment.. think the headache is coming back.. have to start doing my work le.. tata.. =)





yeah! i am back.. firstly, met my mum at orchard to get the stuffs that she didnt get yesterday coz of the you know what.. =( but... it was ok today. i quiet quiet like mouse... dun dare say anything wrong.. haha. then after we met my brother at novena for dinner at fish n co. it was his first time there. coz he dun usually spend money on good food. thus he is those lean type.. not like his sis... haha. :P anyway, to conclude everything.. it was successful!! yeah.. *clap clap.. haha.. wanna wish crystal happie birthday too.. keke.. and melissa bon voyage!! nitey... (",)

i am currently in the office now. risking getting caught.but just relax a lil lil while.. =P am listening to the radio and trying to focus on my work. just heard an important news. the dj warned the ppl there's a dangerous guy out there with a gun. he just killed a 40yr old chinese guy tis morning i think.. wasnt concentrating on what she says.geez.. i am really bored. hmmm.. think frustrated is the word.. though i sorta decided to register for the radiology back at nyp. and even though results aint out yet. but somehow something is just bugging me non-stop. but i dunno what izzit. Zzzz.... was looking at my friendster this morning. one of my fren whom i got to know during a new zealand trip many years back just came back from a holiday in japan. so good... haha. she and her family went to kyoto, disneyland etc.. the best thing is her whole family went with them. even the grandparents. still remembered her parents. very nice ppl. n seeing how her lil brother had grown up make me feel like time pass so so fast.. wish i was back to the time where everything can start all over again. geez.. do i sound like i feel sad for my life now and regret for route i choose that time? well, i tink to be exact, i sorta regret for how i behaved last time. not flexible enough. once the road is being blocked i just felt is the end of the world.. yup.. silly ehz? haha.. but somehow, i feel like i still had not learned my lesson. but sometimes is very difficult to make decisions. is forgoing an unattainable or a prospect that does not have a clear future means being flexible? so so complicated to understand... hmmm.. okok.. stop here for the time being.. haha.. coz like getting very dishearted about it.


well, yesterday was Valentine's Day.. hmmm.. not bad.. though have to work in the day... haha.. anyway, yesterday he had nite's out. so he took the time to come find me. bought the XXL chicken... keke... later going out with my brother.... at last my brother agrees to go out with me... haha... but i also because we have to look for our mum's birthday present. and i'm sure is coz he thinks he got more taste than me.. haha.. kidding.. is i think he got more taste. so he choose present. i pay. haha... hmmm... how come i can write so much sad stuffs but come to happy events like so short?? maybe update again later if i felt better.. tata!!


back... haha.. went out for dinner with my brother. keke...happie happie. got my mum a pair of earrings for her upcoming dinner and dance.. hehe... i think the best part is going out with my brother and having dinner with him bah... haha.. hmm... just now my mum was talking to me abt the course again.. last time, 3years back she asked me to take up early child.. but i was in a daze after getting my o-level results thus everything just dun get in... well... is complicated.. but now i think i can only pray either to get into radio or uni or choose sumthing else that is more attainable or lastly. suffer the cost of psychology... haha..

So so headache.. my mummy used to be a nurse. yesterday one of her old nursing colleague came and she talked to me about study the radiology course which currently is only available in nyp. she said that the prospect and everything is good etc... like even with a diploma, i will be ensure that there will definitely be a job out there. if wanna further on it, might have a chance to get sponsor by hospitals... but somehow, i still holds an interest in psychology... but there is too many barriers in studying that. like the school fees etc... which will be rather taxing for my mum... the worst thing is, i dun have much time to think. coz i have to register the radiology course by end of feb else it will be another year of waiting if i am to take that course. geez.. this is so bad.


aint know wat's wrong with me. i've been thinking of what to study since dunno when and there's still not an answer... is rather frustrating... =( maybe because there's too much fear in me? fear of failing. as there will be no turning back anymore. failing once is enough. fear of the course. radiology is so much related to physics.. and my physics is like........ nothing to say. hmmm.. really do hope some answers shine on me. give me some guidance.. best is to let be not fearful of whatever outcomes. keke.

I am so so sleepy now. counting down to 6.30.. even my key board also looks blur... now that i read back what i have type till the word "blur"... i realise that i had indeed "fallen asleep". lately been very bad...it is so tough to stay awake. maybe because what i am doing at work is so so tough.. haix... :( and i haven't decided what i wanna study. dun get what's the problem. first is the number of years of effort that i have to put in. then is the amount of money i or should i say my mum have to spend for my course. this is something rather disturbing because i actually have to rely on my mum to pay for me when i am suppose to have a certain amount of money and not relying on her. so so guilty... the worst is, this year is 21. 21,freedom + independent. and yet.... :( and is all because i didnt think carefully last time. not to say i wasted 3 years. but well, this is just human yeah. regret blah blah blah. haix. anyway, hope i dun drag another year.


hmmm..woke up quite early today..not a very good way to start the day. he went for holiday. sometimes is just so ironic... just looking at him, i felt i was so stupid. even my brother know wat's going on. geez... so sad for my brother. such stupid sister he has. thank goodness he is so so much smarter. until outsiders will question are we really siblings.. haha...


tml will be V-day. i asked my brother out to get something for my mum's birthday. but he xian qi me orhz.. haha.. sobx sobx. he say he rather stay at home. what kinda brother is he. and to think i got scolded by my mum for buying him so so many things... :( but still, can't help it.. keke...


now in the office.. so so bored.. just wanna go home and watch my vcd... been so long since i had some time to watch vcd.. even my mum didnt nag at me when i watch for a couple of hours. which she usually will. keke..


was just thinking why i suddenly stop updating my blog.. guess is just no time and nothing much to write. maybe just dunno how to express it out in words. haha..

Yeah.. finally back to blogging ehz? haha.. after 6months of break. the feeling is just like going back to school for fypj... coz that was the time i started to blog.. and it was melissa who thought me how to. keke... have been saying would change the blogskin someday and i eventually did is also because of melissa!! haha.. aint know why but when i went to view her blog sometime back i got this itchy feeling of setting up again.. haha.. thankz le meli... haha...


hmmm.. but the blog nothing special.. coz is like the previous one. haha.. but i try very hard leh... like some beginner... there goes my IT cert.. =P ok. will stop here for now.. =) tata.

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