if the end of love is this hard. i would never love again. never again.

Friday, November 21, 2008

thank you

thank you to all who wished me during my birthday, after my birthday and celebrated with me. you all made my day =)

i will update soon when i finish my school work.. haha.. =)

once again, thanks alot!!

signing out... 1.54am

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

祝我生日快乐

我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么让我诚实一点
诚实难免有不能控制的宣泄
只有关上了门不必理谁
一个人坐在空的包厢里面
手机让它休息一夜
难,想切割切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能流过十二点
生日快乐
我对自己说
蜡烛点了
寂寞亮了
生日快乐
泪也融了
我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切
还爱你带一点恨
还要时间
才能平衡
热恋伤痕
画面重生
祝我生日快乐

HaPPy BiRtHdAy to Myself..

P.S: Thank you Desmond & xiao zhu.

signing out... 12.40am

Saturday, November 15, 2008

feeling sick again..

went to david's house for tuition today. was late thus i had to take a cab down.. the uncle was driving really fast, or maybe it was the aircon (cold) i dunno which is which. but i had a uncomfortable ride which got me queasy the rest of the day. while waiting for the bus, i started to cough non-stop as my throat was feeling really uncomfortable. it was really a terribly dry cough in which i can't stop.. i guess i cough non-stop for about 4 minutes or so.. until i was feeling really warm and perspiring.. =(

right now, i am feeling queasy again. shivering and numb fingers, as well as intermittent numbness in my head. really really uncomfortable.. hope i will get well soon..

thank you for all who had help me with my thesis rehearsal as well as pilot study. good job to all. hope we will do well this semester. good luck!

signing out... 1.29am

Thursday, November 13, 2008

slightly better..

i am slightly better today. thank goodness! else i really dunno how am i going to do my work.. but even so, i am not doing my work..

i wanna play hard. but i want to study even harder. nope. i am not a nerd. but just felt that i do not have any achievments. i had never felt what is it to work really hard and to get good grades. just wondering what is the feeling like.

currently, i felt as if i do not have much of a life. study study study. busy with studies. but the result still sucks. thus i really wonder what had i been busy with? no fun, no play, no meeting of friends, no time for myself, no time for my family. overall, no time no time!!

maybe i should sleep early just like yesterday. it had been some time since i turn out the lights before midnight.. haha.. i really should try to sleep early today if possible.. =)

signing out... 9.45pm

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

sick

for no reason. i suddenly had sore throat. been quite some time since i last had sore throat. this time, it was really bad. i know it and i can feel it. several other symptoms.. headache, numbness and weak limbs.... sigh.. not at this time~~~

was suppose to do the rehearsal for my 4th year project. but in the end, only daphne did it because i really could not produce any sound. even if i did. i will sound horribly. i could not stand it and i also ain't want to torture my friends with the disastrous voice..

lately school seems to cock up.. there is not enough rooms to be booked. 4 groups to fight over 3 rooms. the poster was never put up correctly. the cashier lady is frustrated. so are we.. is the school fault. Zzz.. at times i dun feel the confidence that our research going to work. maybe is because i fear that there will be too many hurdles to cross. so i pray hard everything will go smooth. once my voice recovers, i shall call each and everyone to confirm their appointment and secure my participants..

i want my voice back.....

signing out...12.20am

Sunday, November 09, 2008

and i thought i can relax a lil after my critique. but i was just dreaming..............

ben always ask. why do i study until i seems to be tortured by it. the answer....... i dunno. i dun want to study until i am being pointed with a gun and being asked to study. i want to enjoy the whole study process.. the school life, the friends, the fun i had during my study times etc... because things will be different once i start working.. but this isn't happening. and i am sad.

another of my module results had came out. once again, i did very badly. my essay is a flop. total flop and i begin to suspect my ability. i know i dun write fabulous essay. not now, not in the past. but i always managed to score a reasonable mark for it. maybe except year 1 sem 1. this time. during my 4th year. i am way below average. i no longer feel i can write an essay and i feel hesistant to even do it. sigh... ain't trying to whine and be sympathesize. but i really do felt my heart being weigh down by a 100kg of boulder. well.. watever right. this is just life (*hack care, ignoring it mood)

i had my last lesson with my kindergarten kids. i wish i can upload some photos. but ain't sure whether the teacher allowed cos i took some of them for memorable purposes without asking.. =p the last lesson wasn't as pleasant as i thought. due to the last minute rush schedule to finish up everything. feeling sorry to the kids for being very fierce to them and not able to promise them the stickers that they wanted because of the last minute cancellation of lessons. the kids might be way too excited that they refuse to listen to what i am trying to say which resulted in me being angry with them. but anyway, i do hope that they will do well in their new primary school and enjoy the fun times with their friends. i missed my younger days too... =/

my birthday is coming. had always looked forward to all the occassions and festive during the end of the year. birthday, christmas. but now, i dun look forward for anything. my mind is clouded with unhappiness. unhappiness that i brought onto myself. just months back. i thought about how i want to celebrate my birthday. together with my love ones and friends. have a simple dinner with my love ones. some photos to remember each other and time spent. meet up with friends whom i haven't seen for quite some time, a simple meal or gathering, a birthday cake and photos to remember the good times. but with my schedule, i ain't know how to fix or arrange it. but it doesn't matter. i dun have the mood for it anymore...
christmas. to me, is about buying presents for friends, having dinner, setting up the christmas tree, going out to take photos, walking around and embrace in the festive mood. but once again, i dunno how can i arrange my time to fit these in and i no longer have the mood.

to friends whom i say i will meet, but yet to meet. i am very sorry. hope you all can understand and forgive. if you really do understand me, you will know i am trying my best to meet but circumstances sometimes just dun allow me.

wishing all that are having exams best of luck.

signing out... 6.32pm

Sunday, November 02, 2008

disappointment

how is it defined?

after critique

unwind after critique

signing out... 7.14pm