if the end of love is this hard. i would never love again. never again.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

240406 - 290406

Firstly, happie birthday to MeLi.. "happie birthday to you, happie birthday to you. happie birthday to meli.. happie birthday to you~~~~~~~~~" *glass shattering.. haha..

been busy recently.. lotsa work.. everyday staring at the computer.. typing away.. never been so so hardworking before.. haha.. but is nice to be serious. focusing on what you have to do.. Well.. even though i didnt manage to finish. [dunno wat the boss gonna say] but at least i know i try my best and learn some stuffs through it. never over estimate and never under estimate.. haha..

this coming week will be a very busy week again.. have to continue with the rest of the docs. not many though. 1 or 2.. then have to start packing.. why. cos we're gonna shift.. yup. the office.. cos the owner of the building wants to do renovation.. and we have to shift.. pity those that just shifted last november.. haix.. =( gonna pack everything into boxes and unpack them again on friday.. gotta do it fast else i needa sacrifice saturday.. so so sobx..

well..actually i am quite sad that we are gonna shift..cos somehow i just got used to coming all the way to raffles. then in the morning you will see lotsa ppl alighting and rushing to work..somehow.. just have the "yeah! let's get going. a brand new day" feeling.. except monday of course. there will be this monday blue feeling and friday everyone will be like is the weekends tml. yeah!! haha.. well.. i dunno.. new location will be at somerset.. centerpoint there.. i started to observe the number of ppl alighting at that station.. it was just as many as ppl alighting at newton.. well..am comparing newton n novena, somerset n raffles.. so lil ppl.. haix.. and the food at somerset i suppose wun be as cheap and yummy as those in raffles.. surprisingly, raffles have hawker center n lotsa small lil shops that sells yummy n not so exp food.. i doubt i can find any in orchard area.. duhz.. sobx..

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Torturing

ARGHZ!!!!!!!!! It is so torutring!! So much work to do... So little time to finish... Low concentration level......... Arghz!!!!!!!!!! Everything just suddenly slam on to me.............. Suddenly felt suffocated.. Arghz...

Just a moment of frustration.....

<- to be continued ->

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Busy week

Busy busy week.. well..is not as busy as in busy.. (contradicting?) is just that i really do have lotsa work to do..and if i really put in 100% effort in it..i am sure i can do more than what i am doing..but...i will tend to lose focus every 30mins.. so......... terrible.. haha..

last sunday, i met cs for dinner and movie.. it was raining very heavily that day.. so instead of going to town to shop a lil n had dinner + movie.. we could only stay in amk.. cos i worked till about 5pm that day.. yup.. though is a short time.. i am sure we both enjoyed.. keke.. ^_^ thus is not abt the time spend but is the process.. haha.. ok.. he gonna kill me for that.. :p

currently, i am still waiting for some offer letters.. well.. was thinking what will happen if i am not being offered into any course.. yah.. i know more suggestions will just get me confused again.. but can't help it.. recently read a few chapters of "Man r from Mars, Women r from Venus" and in it, they say that women tends to talk or ask around not because there's solutions to the problem but talking it out will make them feels better.. but on the other hand, man will tend to hide in their cave and think of the solutions themselves.. and if they really can't find any, they will either do some other stuffs to distract themselve thinking or they will ask women for some solutions which is seldom.. so i guess i am a venus after all.. haha.. (????)

lastly, just wanna recommend a book that's if u read my blog entries... "P.S I Love You" is by cecilia adhern. Story about how she lost her husband and how her husband help her get through the difficult times by sending letters to her..is a touching story and is nice.. :)

gotta go.. my colleague screaming start work start work le.. think i stress him out cos i ain't finishing my stuffs..n the boss is asking him everyday..but he scare of me..so nvr really say much.. i am so bad. :p

Saturday, April 15, 2006

bbq outcome

yesterday's bbq turns out okie.. the rain stops at around 5.. though there was a few drops here and there still.. but everthing was ok.. set up the fire and started bbq-ing.. everyone in my class turns up.. so so happie.. :) thanks everyone.. for the support.. and thanks for those who came to help me with carrying of the stuffs.. and li hui and joey for the assistance.. lastly, is boyboy though he cldnt make it.. but he kept assuring me that the rain will stop.. so glad there's always him for the support.. and not forgetting my parents.. my dad who help me get the satay and my mum waking up so early with me to go to the market..

well.. i think maybe is i woke up too early.. then needa prepare stuffs, buy all the things as well.. and tidy the house.. vacumme, mop and wash.. so by the time the bbq started, i was kinda dead tired.. now my arms is still aching.. didn't realise until i sat down in the noon awhile and realise that my hand is actually shivering on its own..but nevertheless, is great that everyone enjoyed.. this event made me realise alot of things.. and in this event, i gain and lost some stuffs.. i will do better the next time..

today is saturday.. gotta go to the bookshop in the noon.. tml have to stay at the bookshop slightly later.. around 5 cos the boss got something on.. i am really working too much.. even how good time management was.. there will still be insufficient time.. thus, is time to make some decisions to forgo some stuffs.. happy weekends! :)

Friday, April 14, 2006

what a day

today is good friday. is the day that the bbq i organise gonna be held. but is raining.. is raining since 1 pm.. and now is almost 4pm..
i dunno what to say.. i am stubborn and unlucky.. is raining and i dunno what to do.. i made boy boy upset and i got no words to say except i am so sorry.. i am one silly person who cannot keep still.. good friday.. a public holiday.. for me to rest.. for me to spend time with him n family n friends.. aint regretting doing this bbq.. just hope it turns right... and i think i really need a rest.. i am so sorry..

Thursday, April 06, 2006

yesterday

Many things happened yesterday. While i was trying very hard to chiong the very last bit of my document, my computer hang. Soon after my document just vanish. Vanish into the computer world. Okok.. the computer did give me a chance to save my document. It prompted me to.. BUT!! When i open the document, it was blank... =.="""""" so so sobx at that time.. I am almost done.. just a little changes here and there and it will be done.. but then it still *POOF. gone. okok.. i will stop ranting about it.. now i am feeling even more determine it asap.. yup!

after work, i went to visit my aunt..because she isn't feeling well..on my way back,i suddenly feel that my thinking is rather matured.because my aunt, she is not feeling well..but she still have to takecare of my uncle's son. her grandson..maybe it seems like she should takecare of him.but now that she is not feeling well..my uncle should do something..but it seems like she is not..suddenly i feel sad for my aunt..because she got so many children..but yet none can actually helped her out..and even if my mum wants to look after my aunt, but sometimes she just need to leave her whenever she have to meet her client..i think i will take leave or stop my job 1mth earlier if i really have to.to take care of my aunt..

yesterday me n him was discussing abt trust. think it was interesting. as in at least i dun feel a least bit of unhappy or angy like what he fear.. Just he set me to think am i just too trusting.. or another word is call naive.. currently, i do not put a shield infront of me. as in a guard to guard myself as to whom i make friends or work with.. but i think i do not treat people whom i dunno but come to talk to me rather mean. as in very quiet. one, two words and full stop. but after knowing them, i just simply talk as if i got so much things to say.. haha.. well.. i was just wondering at that time, does the people around me also have a shield infront of them.. like when chatting or going out etc.. they also have such a shield.. maybe if u say studies, can understand.. but i think is more of a weary but definitely not a shield as to keep everything or wat de..
But on the other hand, maybe i just misunderstood what he was trying to bring across. and all those are just my thinking about a person having a shield / guard.. am i naive?

Next friday will be good friday.. i had organise a bbq near my house for my class.. called them so as to hope they will make that day free.. send an email to double confirm the attendance.. but so far only 1 replied. maybe everyone are busy with work.. dun think they check their emails.. or maybe it had been raining almost every evening so the rain kinda bring the mood down.. but hope they will response so as to show more enthu..else i think its pointless to organise a gathering when only a few turns up.. but no worries coz i will understand i looking forward doesn't mean others must look forward as well.. coz we are all different individuals. ^_^

Lastly, one good news.. haha.. out of the so much that i have said. I had pass my EPT test.. well.. i mentioned this test during my last few entries.. it a test for applicants who wants to register to become a teacher in NIE but do not have a B3 and above for english.. Well.. my feelings for passing it is more like a: phew, at least my english still got some hope. if i fail, i think i really need to face the wall n have a good thought as to why i am failing it.. failing the test sorta means that primary school kids can even do better than me.. haha..

ok.. gotta stop here n start working on my document.. happie weekends.. :)

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Determination

Am so happy that i had recover from my flu without seeing the doctor.Maybe it seems a small matter. But i had been taking MC from the company to see the doctor the past few months because the flu just never disappear..but this time it did.

Anyway, been trying to motivate myself to start doing my work since i had recovered. But not much of a progress.. I just need some thing that will motivate me. Different people have different "motivator". Some factors can be their partners, some can be to achieve a goal etc... Though i can treat both mention as 1 of my motivator factor, but somehow, its not really getting into me.. not even "holiday" can motivate me to work.. Thus, i decided to listen to some music and music sang by those superstar and campus superstar. Why? Coz i envy their determination in reaching their goal / passion. which is singing i suppose.. Basically, is just envy that they know what they want n had that DETERMINATION that i am lacking now.. But no worries, i think is not i dun have a single bit of determination. But its just i haven't found the purpose in my life.. Is ongoing though...

Currently i am having the same usual dilemma as to what to study.. maybe i already know what i want to.. just need the determination, support and assurance to pull through...