if the end of love is this hard. i would never love again. never again.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

End of the month syndrome

I decided to follow my colleague's suggestion and name my flu the End of the Month Syndrome. i have been having this flu very often ever since i started working.. to be more precise, it got worst during december.. had to take medical leave for 2 consecutive month.. december and november.then i try to tahan for the month of february. but at last. i could not. it got so bad that i needa go to see a doctor in the beginning of march. and the doctor says is a terrible and contagious flu.

Now. i am having this flu once again. and i just seen the doctor early this month!! omg.. not to mention work....

Right now am very very busy with work.. my colleague went to KL. hope i can go there too.. then can eat nice food.. haha.. an excuse to be a lil slacker.. hmm.. gotta go back to work already.. though my eye can't seems to open up due to the consecutive sneezes and my back hurts... Awww...

Friday, March 24, 2006

tired

just feeling tired..i want 48 hours a day.. 24 is just not enough.. there's too much things to juggle. family, friends, partners, work.. there's hardly even time for myself.. but is good not to.. coz usually i will just think too much.. maybe like now..
just feel tired.. priorities are not set.. procrastinating..

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Memorable Sunday

had been a lil busy these days.. thus is only today am i able to update my bloggie.. sunday. is a memorable day.. haha.. after work, i rush home to get change for dinner with boy boy.. he nvr breathe a single word as to where he gonna bring me to.. which was very rare of him.. coz i was usually able to psycho him to say.. wahaha.. anyway, we went to bishan to take neoprint before we head down for dinner.. boy boy say i look old in the neoprint.. sobx.. i was suppose to be the young one!!

ok.. back to the dinner part.. he brought me to sentosa n we had dinner on a cable car.. is call sky dining.. haha.. i felt like i am back to primary school.. coz its been years since i last took the cable car.. haha.. his friends were like giving comments as to wat a crazy idea it was.. they were like saying wun it be giddy eating on a cable car etc... haha.. but ANYWAY, i thought it was rather nice.. had to go through reservation and it is not cheap... hundred plus.. *faint..

dinner was nice.. scenery was nice..and the guy who serve us was nice too..he kept pouring us wine as if it was free flow.. haha.. maybe out of all the ppl having the sky dining, we were the youngest. :p
but nevertheless, kudos to boy boy.. haha.. for his effort n the memorable sunday.. :)

Friday, March 17, 2006

me n my thoughts on: frenz

Today is friday!! Finally.. keke.. looking forward to weekends.. gonna have a great time this weekend.. ^_^ just had breakfast.. shiok! i am having a real BIG appetite lately.. geez.. T.T am listening to music now.. to get myself into the mood of doing work. guess i will not msn in the morning.. maybe in the afternoon when i finish much of my work..

these whole week been a very very bad week.. i am still trying to adapt to my new life.. juggling work, family, frens and relationship. Is really not an easy task. coz been single for 20 years.. is like.. i dun even have time to do my own stuffs.. my room has been untidy since dunno when.. haven't unpack 2 boxes of stuff since is shifted in 2 years ago.. i am having a real hard time. n march is about to end.. haven't even adapt to this new life.. and i am to start adapting to another new life.. i wish i got 48 hours a day. and strength to last through 48 hours everyday..

yesterday i said sumthing that is hmm.. wrong or insensitive. is like e.g. i said i will never buy an mp3 and the next day i bought the mp3. situations similar to this. well.. just felt sorry for saying some insensitive stuffs.. i always shoot what i am thinking before even thinking whether is right to say it.. but at this current point.. friends are just as important. i haven't learn to balance my life. but if i can balance my family, friends, r/s n work.. hmm.. i dunno.. but i really hope i could. coz to me, family, friends and boy boy are all so important in different ways.. even if i am real tired or what.. i also wanna spend whatever time i have with everyone.. hmm.. izzit the thinking of a naive girl? maybe 3 yrs down the road..when i re-read what i wrote, i might just "ha. wat a stupid thought it was" hmm.. am i getting everyone that's reading my blog lost? haha..

well.. i am not an easy person to understand.. ppl have split characters. i have many many split characters. 1 min laughing, another strong, then hack care etc.. but now.. i am a hardworking person.. haha.. gonna get going with my work.. =)

until now.. i am just a naive / dreamer girl who wishes for everyone to be happy.. n myself to slim down.. wahahah...

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

wild thoughts

had my englist proficency test yesterday... woke up very early.. rushed down to RELC n waited for my turn to take the oral test.. then waited again to take the written test in the noon.. not good.. there were many feelings in me then.. one minute was like haiz. the next was like hack care.. then haiz again.. is like once again i am being proven then my english is just purely lousy.. alighted at far east plaza.. suddenly felt like shopping n drinking coffee bean. but in the end, went to a cd shop n just bought a cd for 20plus.. there goes my money.. =/
while i was on the train.. i was thinking of alot of things.. must be the effect of the book i am reading. namely "P.S I love you" is those modern romance book.. like those shopaholics series.. at times it will motivate me to work harder n achieve what i want. just like the main female character. it also sort of cheers me up.. even if sumthing bad happen.. there will always be a way out.. just like how the protagonist found her happiness.. but most of the time i will just dream that i can be like her.. whereby nothing will ever gets me down.. haha..
well.. i find that every minute i am always dreaming.. is like i am always thinking of some stuffs which i wanna write on the blog.. n many of a times i wld just wish i had a laptop infront of me so that i can write down whatever i was thinking at that very moment. because by the time i rush home to switch on the comp.. i am already thinking of some other stuffs.. guess i am just forgetful.. or maybe i think too much.. haha..

Saturday, March 11, 2006

My Dream

well.. my dream for the future.. i want to study something that i have interest as well as prospect n not forgetting the dream i wish to realise..

at times i will ambition to be an actress.. why? the main reason is not because an actress is beautiful, slim etc.. [only part of the reason is] but the main reason is that an actress can act many different roles in different script.. n i think that's wat i really want.. i realise that i had many "ambitions" or should i say.. many jobs i would like to give it a try.. i wanna work as a relief teacher.. then i will somewhat experience the job of a teacher.. i wanna work as a business women.. then i will know how busy a women with a career is like.. some other jobs i would like to try includes working in a flower shop as a florist so as to learn some flower arrangement n the different flowers.. a tour guide.. so as to visit different places.. etc etc.. n one thing abt being an actress, u can experience many "lifes". one minute acting as an investigator, the other minute acting as falling in love with some "so called dream guy in the show".. ok lah.. i am more like anything except horror.. is like to me.. an actress experience many different "lifes" haha..

what i want in the future.. i just want a stable but reasonable pay.. define reasonable.. each have their own opinions. i can't really describe mine now.. coz not exactly in the adult stage.. whereby there's many things to concern like houses, own family, own leisure etc.. hmm.. well.. even sometimes i also couldn't decide what i really wants.. one minute just want sumthing stable whereby might lead to a monotonous life.. another minute want sumthing interesting n challenging.. well.. guess my conclusion is both.. i want some job that can keep me going till old.. nt worried that i might get fired or sumthing.. but on the other hand, not totally monotonous..

hmm.. basically.. i dunno what am i trying to say when i am typing this blog of mine.. maybe just suddenly feel like.. dreaming again.. haha.. well.. currently.. just hope that i can stop studying by e age of 25 n start earning money.. i wanna bring my mum to holiday.. i wanna help my dad clear his problem.. i wanna buy my brother things that he need.. wanna organise gathering for all my friends.. wanna go on a holiday with boyboy.. redang, new zealand etc.. wanna a lead a carefree life.. n be happy..

Thursday, March 09, 2006

blabbering me

there's one very serious problem that i have. and that is i lack of common sense. really.. and i meant lack of. not totally no common sense.

yesterday grace n i we went to california fitness. coz we purchase a 30 bucks voucher whereby both of us are entitled to a free 1 month use of facilities... facilities such as their gym equipment, their classes, sauna etc... we even got a free body analysis. that's to measure how much fat we have under the skin which i will skip mentioning... there will also be a trainer who will guide us the usage of equipment n which r the equipment that we need to work on more to show more results blah blah blah.. well.. both of us r excited. i am. but after agreeing, i find that i just added more committments to myself.. n i am spending more money.. boy boy is right. haiz.. now i can't kick my job away neither can i stop working out.. i need 48 hours!! n the strength to last 48 hours!! but friday n sunday afternoon is a definitely rest day. a day to go out.. yes. final decision.

back to the common sense thing.. yesterday when i got home, i told cs abt it.. then he was like a lil quiet.. [gee.. i can understand..] n i dunno what got into me.. i just, keep blabbering away. though i already sense there's some problem.. n i just make things even worst coz the more the blabber away. the more trouble i got.. saying the wrong things.. n can still "laugh" away.. *rolling my eyes.. i felt so so bad.. i didnt meant to.. didnt meant to end the night with a solemn, upset feeling.. not to mention, i think i also said sumthing wrong to another friend in the afternoon. coz he didnt reply the sms then after..

i really really must be more serious in things. i am 20! soon to be 21!! n i am still fooling around. what the.. hmmm.. now listening to music.. trying to make myself to work.. n i guess i will just do my work now. yeah. just do it. nike spirit. yup. tata.

will write something much happier next time...

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Daydreaming

haha.. this is so bad. i am really really not doing any work at all.. Uh Oh.. the boss is on leave for 3 days le. Wow.. tink he also eat snake.. Oops.. =P

well.. was surfing around the web as usual.. suddenly really really feel like going overseas. relax... any countries also can. experience the coldness of the winter. the sunshine of summer.. surround myself in a field full of lavender.. look at the cherry blossom that is blooming.. etc... gee.. wish to stay in a country to experience the 4 seasons. their festivals.. their cultures..

japan.. would love to try the kimono n their "wen1 quan2"... visit some cities like kyoto n their district such as Gion n Pontochō. visit the shrine etc... [must have been too engrossed when i read memoirs of a geisha.. keke..] and maybe the big big japan city like tokyo.. dunno whether their lifestyle is those busy lifestyle... everyone rushing here n there... n not forgetting the lavender n cherry blossom trees... geez.. was told that it is not easy to catch them.. i mean even if u go at that particular season. just like is hard to catch falling snow in the winter season... $#!% *grumble...

another place i target to visit when i have the time is definiately new zealand!!! wonderful memories... splendid scenary... peaceful life... great place to stay when one is old.. buy a small house [coz they dun have many hdbs like s'pore..] with a small garden, grow flowers or vegetable.. best is all my frenz r there too.. then can have bbq! yeah!!! hahaha...
lastly.. a place with white sand. bluish green sea.. water as clear as glass.. can look at the fishes, corals etc... hot but windy...

gee.. guess i will stop day dreaming for now... haha...

Monday, March 06, 2006

what a weekend

I am currently now waiting for my coach to send me some appraisal form which is due today.. n i really do hope i can make it.. hmmm.. somehow i alwayz do things the longer way. when i think back.. i will just feel, aiyah. shldnt have done it this way. shldnt have send the email. shld have call.. well.. all the shldnt and shld just start popping up. but.. it is too late... sometimes just wonder am i too impatient person.. or i just do things without thinking... well.. guess the conclusion is i am just not zai. always seems frantic when things crops up. so whatever comes into my mind, i just whack it and pray that it everything goes on fine... nonsense me..

well.. what can i do... i guess i can only jiayou and learn from it. so. from today onwards, i am going to TRY write something that is happy or more meaningfull instead of what problem i am facing etc.. so yah... jiayou!! haha.. i am crazy.

well.. wanna mention what happen this weekend. previously, i mentioned that i went to the career fair with grace on friday. grace mention that there's this hotel management school which is located in switzerland which i think is rather cool. i mean if grace have the cash ability, she will definately just head on and start with it. well.. if i also do have the cash ability.. i would join her as well.. i mean since i dun really have a passion for sumthing.. at least, i got a friend to accompany me studying.. besides, grace mention is more of a practical school instead of study study study.. which i am not good at.. and i suppose it is a very conducive place to study there.. but of course, living expenses high... yeah.. i am daydreaming.. :p

ok. back to what happen this weekend.. i had sore throat and it is still not getting better. well, the truth is it got better during the weekend. but when i woke up today, the feeling is back again. arghz!! the feeling of a fish bone stuck in the throat... damn... but anyway, i was on leave during saturday so i head down to the career fair once again and attended 2 seminar. one on psychology the other on radiology. radiology was like a haix.. they dun accept ppl with dip cert. only a-level cert. even the scholarship is not entitled to anyone except ppl with a-level. on the other hand, i just have to attend 1 year of psychology course and i will get the degree.. tempting?? but the question is.. where got such good thing?!!? izzit really to my advantage that i am studying lesser module while the rest study lots? advice please...

so this weekend, i went down to the fair with the accompany of cs.. though the start of the journey was bad. coz had some problems.. but then after it got better. we had lunch. movie and ice-cream!! a cute shop called ben and jerry at suntec near carrefour.. after that.. met celeste n peifeng coz they had their company dinner n dance there as well. then is back home. yesterday, i brought my mum to macdonalds for breakfast. though is a lil rush coz i have to report for work. but it was a very nice breakfast. miss macdonalds... haha... after work, cs came to my hse.. i have to cook dinner (but was done by my mum in the end) yesterday. only managed to cook the soup which he say is nice. haha.. dunno real anot.. all i did was to throw all ingredient and wait for it to boil.. haha. well.. overall, can say this might be the only time i can spend my weekend like this. coz i seldom get to get off from my bookshop job. yup. tat's all for now. looking forward to weekends again! ;)

Friday, March 03, 2006

Career fair

today, i went to the career fair at suntec. didn't have much time. so sorta walk a lil here n there. focusing on what i want.. accompany grace to the navy booth. haha.. she is real interested in it. there ain't many people. maybe is still a weekday. guess tml there will be a crowd.. coz it is the weekend. and there are couple of events like some fifa cup event. guess they display the trophy or sumthing like that. there's a bridal fair as well.. and lastly the career fair. will be going down again tml.. to check out on their seminars..

my throat is still very bad.. is terrible infection.. at the wrong time coz is weekend.. thus i took a off day from my boss at the bookshop coz dun wanna strain my throat.. yeah.. hope it gets better tml morning... getting more n more timid.. sorta afraid i will get some horrible disease.. * choy. touchwood. but yup.. guess there's too many things i have not do. too many ppl i will miss.. i dun like feeling regret..

hmm.. is almost 2 weeks since we are together.. somehow the expectation topics didn't go so well... but what is done cannot be undone. besides, boy boy says is good that i say.. but still... somehow somewhere n somethings just didn't seems right... well.. will see how again.. grace say i shldnt overwork.. she said maybe is coz i have been straining myself thus this 2 years i kept falling sick.. yup.. i really do wanna takecare of myself. i dun wanna spread my sickness to everyone that is so dear to me.. so precious to me.. listening to my brother coughing just make me worried.. hope he gets well.. hope everyone gets well.. peifeng too..

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Sick

Today, i am very sick. It was the first time the doctor ever gave me 2 days of mc.. haha.. but i will be back to work tml i guess.. Had throat infection, thus my left ear felt pain. Couldn't yawn. coz my throat will hurt terribly. But luckily... tml is friday. yeah! haha.. though there ain't much difference coz i will be working on saturday n sunday.. suddenly felt real bad. been rather lazy at work this whole week. think it somehow affected my colleague. losing his mood in working... geez.. i am a sinner..

yesterday ate dinner with wai lun etc.. talked abt many things. comments on my course etc.. confuse. is the only word i can think of. haha.. but ok. it was a not bad dinner.. =) was reading friends blogs... had always feels that the content of my blog is very different from the rest. they talk about what happened the whole day. interesting, happie and sometimes grumbles.. but mine.. my blog seems more like a punchbag.. haha. is when i not feeling happie or feeling extremely happie, i will write it out.. haha.. rather extreme.. my life seems black n white..

boy boy was really goody today.. he check on me when he is free.. msging to ask how i am.. keeping me company virtually. keke.. but everytime he msg, i happen to be sleeping. haha.. i slept alot today. after seeing the doctor, i slept from 11.30 - 3. then had my lunch n slept from 4 - 7.. geez.. nvr slept for so long today. must be the medicine.. oh. not forgetting, we talked about expectations for each other.. hmm.. somehow, i felt happie. happie to talk to him. happie to talk freely. about expectations etc.. is like very natural. ain't worried whether he will react badly or what anymore. boy boy really changed alot. more positive. so happie.. =D jiayou orhz!! haha.. my mum's fren came to my house this afternoon. wanted to talk to her abt the radio stuff.. but was too sick n tired. so she say she's gonna stay for another week before going back to africa to work. as there's a drought there currently..

hmm.. suddenly realise is already march. time passes too fast. march is not a good month.. hope it pass by slowly.. hope it crawls. even if work sucks during the weekdays.. i still hope the time crawls. coz i dun want anything to change.. my life...