if the end of love is this hard. i would never love again. never again.

Monday, September 22, 2008

unusual self

thank goodness i will be having kickboxing class later. cos i am going to punch out ALL the anger inside me right now!

why can't it be seen that i am trying my best? i feel just as troubled with what i am going through right now. but i am still trying to kick hard and survive. so why can't it be seen.

phobia with cockroach is not something that i can help arhz. if i ain't phobic about it, i wun ask for help.

after all that had happened i am learning to be independent. must i resolve to being totally disappointed then will i lead a much better life?

dammit. angry.

forgive my unusual and violent self.

signing out... 4.41pm

Saturday, September 20, 2008

upset. totally screwed

upset. extremely UPSET. just read the email teacher sent. the full page of comment made me felt like the whole proposal had been screwed up.

hate the lit review part. simply hate it.

signing out... 10.02pm

Friday, September 19, 2008

restless & sianz

restless. totally sianz.

i had been feeling restless since this morning. a ton of things to accomplish. but did none. this add on to my frustration!

wednesday's exam was bad. at least i felt quite upset with myself. i know i can do better. but what is the point of saying it now. just disappointed.

each week there is at least "something" installed and waiting for me. if it wasn't exam, it will be assignment, else presentation. thesis? is forever bugging me.

okay. being weak by complaining. after this i shall do something more beneficial then whining.

lastly, i wish the kids will stop bargaining with me. i am after all not a kid like them but a senior. some respect please~~~ sigh ='(

before i end the post, a song that i had been hooked on lately...

i wanna go holiday.. NZ, redang, HK etc.... just wanna leave..

signing out... 10.28pm

Monday, September 15, 2008

busy! at least when i dun get to watch my dramas or do whatever i feel like peacefully. all the exams, assignments, proposal and presentation is just really getting into me.

i had been feeling eccentric recently and i attribute it to my school work. Zzz.. one after another. week after week. but it is just the beginning.. gonna last till october. sigh... another reason for my out of norm behavior. i just can't stop eating. seriously getting fatter and felt like some big fat lazy animal, dragging my feet as i walked. sigh2...

really really have to stop my funny, unhealthy tidbits diet. remember how i got a sore throat after finishing a whole packet of tim tams dark chocolate biscuit, the whole packet of lays potato chips. it will be wonderful if i dun gain weight. but unfortunately.. i did. sigh3...

so i wish i can throw away all my school work and start enjoying myself so as to stop binging.. plus.. i want to exercise! (a lil particular with the condition to exercise.. the weather must be cooling like now.. else the scorching sun will get me tired in no time)

now the updates for last week.. can i say is happening? well.. i shld say me being talkative at this moment is "unusual"..

had my ethics exam on tuesday. though it is an open book exam. but never forget. lecturers are cunning people. open book sound so nice. but the questions isn't. past experience in poly warned me so and i tasted it again on tuesday. Zzz..

had my first new semester lesson with the pre-schoolers on wed once again. never thought i could teach them again due to my "unstable performance". so happy to see them despite all the complains about them. but as usual, shall complain a lil.. maybe 1 sentence.. kids just dun listen to me and always bargain with me.. why?!!? =.= even still.. they are just too adorable and i will try my best to be "stable" this semester.

thursday. had tuition with bernice. first tuition lesson after her mid-term holiday. once again. kids just love to bully and bargain with me. sigh4... i do hope she is improving with her study. i suppose SA1 is coming soon..

met the gals on friday. it was supposed to be a post graduation celeberation for amber and diana. so we met up for a late lunch at cafe cartel.. but before meeting amber and diana, we met up early for part 2 present - bouquet of ferrero rocher (btw, there's many kinds of ferrero).. sorry gals. i was kind of a spoiler that day.

went mooncake shopping on saturday instead. there was a lot a lot of people. walking through the crowds just drain off my energy. gee.. but the festive feeling was erm.. kind of there i suppose. had tuition with david. kinda had an argument with the mother one of the day on the days for tuition and david's improvement. seriously, many things really depend on himself. i had always been putting myself in their shoes, abiding to their requests the best i could but i will no longer do that. just got me so angry. =.=#

spend my sunday watching dramas. just finished "stairways to heaven". yeah. is an old drama. i watched it twice. but cos i like it thus i dun mind seeing it again. i am just not a explorative person. always stick to the old. anyway, though it is just a drama. but from it, once again i felt i should be contented with life. stay happy no matter what. life is indeed full of deception. smiling despite feeling sad. all because wanting others to think you are okay or happy. well.. i should also start deceiving.. dun always show whatever i feel on my face. haha..

hmm.. that's all for now.. too much nonsense makes me hungry. lunchtime~ ^_^

signing out... 11.48am

Sunday, September 07, 2008

exams are coming. and it is really soon. will be having one paper this tuesday. school work and work kept me occupied. will be having at least one event (exam, assignment, presentation) each week. in which i simply dread it.

whenever exams come looming in, i will get really cranky. i wish i hadn't and i didn't.

dun feel like talking about what happened last time. because i will start having illogical wishes. but i am getting quieter. just like now. emotions filled to the max. but can't type anything out.

life had been good. and it could be better. but be contented. as no one knows what events in front will occur. as a matter of fact, the world is moving slowly and everything is changing slowly.

signing out... 2.07pm

Monday, September 01, 2008

so i say......

so i say, i will update after finishing the olympics program right? but well.. once again. i was kinda lazy now with computer. except maybe to log on and watch some anime. had at least a dozen email or more than that to clear. think i shall skip the past few updates since it is old news.

so i say, i had been eating really lots recently. it is really lots that i started to wonder am i going through puberty again. haha. yeah. that is meant to be a joke. i had absolutely no idea why am i eating so much except that i am just having an itchy mouth recently plus i am feeling stress. how good will it be if the food that i crave for are healthy ones like fruits or nuts. but nope. it was potato chips - LAYS potato chips, classic. nope. it wasn't the 70cents a packet that i bought. but the biggest packet that they had on the shelf. =)

and so i say, lots of things happened this week. to be honest, i have an ethics proposal due today. but nope. i ain't done with it yet. and i say. how lazy and incompetent i was. anywayzzz.. ethics proposal is collected once a month. so missing today's deadline i will have to wait for another month. mixed feelings. submitting one month later gives us ample time to modify and refine. but it pushed back all the other plans. am cool about it. now. because i know where went wrong. so i say, many things happened this week. didn't had a good week. but had a good lesson. realised many things for example, i am starting to learn what is happening around. i started to realised i might not be the most naive or innocent one in the universe. but i am one of those. at least a couple of percentage in me am. but so i say, i will learn. maybe i will be different someday. =)

everything happen for a reason. so i say, i will learn.

signing out... 1.21am