if the end of love is this hard. i would never love again. never again.

Friday, October 31, 2008

demoralized...................gambatek

it had been a busy time last week. i had work on tue, wed and thu. oh. btw, i am having holidays. but. this week is the last week.. =( hmm.. so where shall i start. basically, my holiday had been quite long. about a mth if i am not wrong. first 2.5 weeks was extra presentation courtesy of my supervisor. ongoing was the preparation of my thesis proposal handout. so my holiday was basically time for me to do stuffs that was supposed to be done during school term.. since last week i was working.. especially wed which was a long long day... 9am - 11pm. i only left with this week to finish up my critique assignment which is very difficult though it only worth 5%.

hmm. my thots are in a mess. back to last week. so i had a part time job introduce by ben (was ben's fren actually), it was at a floating platform. the one at marina square.. it was an event show that ITB organized for different countries tourism organizations representatives to showcase Singapore. i suppose this is to bring in more tourist from their individual countries etc. it was a buffet kind of dinner in which there are other entertainments such as an area for casino activities, local activities like henna (dunno hw to spell), spinning the malay tops etc... lucky i had soo fen and kaiting to accompany me. so i wasn't really bored. but the long standing during the event was actually killing my feet. overall, i had a good experience. having to see the VIPs, the way they talk, present themselves which kinda ignited a part of me. the real adult life in which there will be a lot of socialization with people next time. this made me felt like a kid and i am really still a student.. well. still, i think i miss the airshow event more..

this week. i had been trying to get into a mood to do my critique. i suppose i am not a very determined person because whenever i do not know how to do something, i will tend to procastinate. just like now. critique is due next monday. but my progress.. - 5%. can i cough out something presentable by sunday night? i dunno. felt demoralized and upset. wishing that some0thing can make me feel motivated...

but i supposed, eventually one still have to rely on oneself...

okie. that's all.. now i am feeling better. i will blog about my kids when i finish the critique! =) jiayou jiayou gambatek!!

signing out...10.50am

Sunday, October 19, 2008

tml?

sunday.. i was supposed to be doing my school work. but once again, i ain't. felt really bored. spent my whole morning reading manga. finally finished all of it. as i listened to the music playing on the laptop, a slow feeling started to crawl in. pain. it came back again. just for that moment. and it vanished once again.

what will the day be like tml?

signing out... 4.40pm

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

happenings..

exam results are out. disappointed. totally. spent the whole of yesterday nursing my emotions.

here's what happened yesterday.

lately had been feeling moody. but yesterday morning was the first time i smiled and felt happy since a couple of days ago. met daddy for lunch. he brought me to ikea at tampines for lunch as well as to walk around. i had never been to the ikea @ tampines. thus i really felt excited and impressed with how big it was. too bad. time do not permit me to walk around GIANT. lunch - i had poached salmon set. suddenly, a gushed of feelings start to come back. the feeling that i had when i was much younger. when daddy and mummy would bring me and brother to ikea @ alexandra for dinner and we would always order salmon. that's the time whereby we got addicted and developed a love for salmon. even until now.. daddy is the only person that dote me the most. ever since i was young. to a certain extent, mummy will think that daddy dun dote brother. but is not true. he dote brother too.. so after a quick walk around, i drove back home. yeah.. i got to drove back and fro. falling in love with driving. except that i had to be familiar with the roads which i truly sucks at. do hope i can drive again soon. on second thots, not too often else i might feel it is tiring. =p

had tuition with bernice in the evening. bernice just love to argue with me. even when i was 200% confident that she got the problem wrong. she will still want to fight her way through and smile cheekily when she realised she was wrong. *grabbing hair* she just "love" to argue with me! i must had been too friendly with her. Zzzz... =/

after tuition, i walked about to look for a birthday cake for my brother. aint sure why. but my emotions automatically switched to upset after the tuition. once i am home, i went to check my grades. here is where the big surprise came in. wun go into details...

today, i went to work at the kindergarten. got to take another few more pictures of the cute lil ones. but i had problem with my second class. in fact i always had problem with all the classes. but it was the second class (k2) that got me stunned, not knowing what to do and whether should i cry or laugh. so this was what happened... the k2 came in and while i was busy saving the k1's work, some of the lil ones was telling me something about someone crying. i was too engrossed thus i could not make out what exactly were they saying. all i heard was 1 was crying now 2 then 3 now 4 of them were crying. *shrug. still dun understood. until i heard a sudden loud wail. then i realised javier crying. omg! i had a hard time trying to stop them from crying and understand what they were saying in between their sobx. a lil background of this class. javier and rishon. they are the loud hailers in my class. javier is especially childish but it is OKAY as he is still just a lil boy. but sometimes it is just too hard to understand why is he sooooooo petty. but anyway, he cried the hardest, followed by rishon and another boy (whom i think he cried in a funny way. even dillon - my another fav kid also think so), lastly it was a girl. so apparently, 3 boys and 1 girl were crying and the rest were either like.. arghz.. can they stop! it is so noisy. else they will be laughing or having the 哭笑不得 look on their face. same as me. =.= overall, it was quite an experience. these kids of mine. are just so adorable despite using half my packet of tissue (kidding). just can't help but adore them more and more.. =) btw, david (my tuition kid) is getting more and more obedient. am so glad. *phew.

lastly, there will have to be major changes in my life after this exam. sigh. do hope that i am given strength and determination.

signing out...11.59pm

Sunday, October 12, 2008

下雨天

下雨天了怎么办
我好想你
不敢打给你
我找不到原因
什么失眠的声音
变得好熟悉
沉默的场景
做你的代替
陪我听雨滴

期待让人越来越沉迷
谁和我一样
等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会
寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞
一个人擦泪
一个人好累

怎样的雨怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大天要多黑
才能够有你的体贴

其实没有我你分不清那些
差别接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

期待让人越来越疲惫
谁和我一样
等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会
寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞
一个人擦泪
一个人好累

怎样的雨怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大天要多黑
才能够有你的体贴

其实没有我你分不清那些
差别接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

怎样的雨怎样的夜
怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大天要多黑
才能够有你的体贴

其实没有我你分不清那些
差别接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

signing out... 1.26am

Saturday, October 11, 2008

forgotten to mention. i went for kevin's wedding on saturday. yup yup. it was nice to see all my old friends. but somehow i seems to drift away from them except kiddo =(

signing out... 11.44pm

super duper bored =.=

SUPER BORED!!

yes. i am feeling super bored. ever since the submission of the ethics proposal i had been extremely lazy. EXTREMELY. Zzzz.. am actually having holidays at the moment. but holiday ain't holiday at all. with all the additional presentations (teacher was kind to assign and guide us. be thankful) and the never ending worries for the thesis, have to remember to do this and that etc... but well.. this is NO CHOICE. just complaining. =p as i was saying, after the submission of the ethics proposal, i started chiong-ing vcd. yuppy. i was watching the korean drama "goong". it is one of my favorite. just like the jap movie - sky of love. i was totally crazy about the drama "goong" during my 1st year in uni. yeappy. uni friends will know it. so i finished watching the 24 episodes within 3 and a half day. that means an approximate of 7 hours per day? =p guilty. very guilty. but well.. i enjoyed it. just that i have to get back to the study mood now. which is..... kinda hard. =/

so what have i been busy with lately. exams ended abt a month ago. had 2 essays to hand in right after that. so was busy with the essays. right after the essay was the thesis ethics proposal plus presentations. having two more next monday. is time to start preparing the pilot test for the thesis as well other odd little to do stuffs while waiting for the proposal to be approved which take about 1 month or so.

oh ya. the gals met up to celebrate jocelyn's birthday. met amber. felt as if it had been a long long while since we met. too bad there was the essays tension. thus we didn't really get to celebrate and have fun proper. =(

am turning older in about a month's time. but yet my life is filled with uncertain goals. no direction. pray i find my sense of direction soon..

btw, i wanna drive!! Zzzz.. sometime since i last drive. driving can be quite fun. maybe i shall ask my daddy tml.. keke..

takecare peeps ^_^

signing out... 11.09pm