if the end of love is this hard. i would never love again. never again.

Friday, May 30, 2008

haunted

the shadow is back.

year 1.

it is really back.

signing out... 11.25pm

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

feeling stress. dunno where to start studying. dunno how to finish it.

still deciding on the job. thinking of the 4th year.

no one is stressing me.

all these thoughts are given by myself.

hungry. maybe i am just feeling hungry so i am thinking alot of irrelavant things.

burnout.

signing out... 5.46pm

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

went out for dinner with melissa today. saw one of my sec school friend - chiu ming, at the hawker center. he look so different. think the last time i saw him was like when i was still working. time just flies.. i suppose everyone changes bah..

hmm.. lately feeling a little nostalgic. thought about how grace and i used to go to the gym after work and catch up during dinner. how i will rush to the courts for training after lessons. i think i miss playing sports. hope to get a job soon as well as have a good rest, play some sports after exam.

people, study hard. takecare..

signing out... 10.58pm

Monday, May 26, 2008

Lately everything seems so downcast.

on top of that, exam is coming. the stress i suppose.

*talking gibberish*

i wish i can make proper decisions. i wish everyone is happy. i wish i will not upset anyone. i wish i wish i wish...

sigh.

well.. my greatest wish. everyone to be happy no matter what the road is gonna be. tough, challenging or easy. be brave. be strong. dun give up. do takecare no matter what.

signing out... 10.56pm

Sunday, May 25, 2008

exams -> determination -> stress

exams are coming and i am feeling the stress. i had a good 2 weeks but i did not spend it well. now i am only left with 1 week. i am still having really bad time management and stress coping skills. all i think of is i wanna go holiday. something that i cannot afford to do this june. when faced with something that i dislike or ain't keen at, i tend to divert and think of something else like fun. purely avoidance. maybe people are generally like this?

on the other hand, maybe i am just not determined enough and not strong in mentality to achieve what i want. many of the times i am like this. then cry over it when i started everything. the source of my own trouble is myself.

then again. i have lots to think and even if it doesn't bug me in the brain, it bugs me in my heart. this reminder of quickly solve the computer that had just crash, quickly find a job before holiday starts which is very very soon, stop thinking of holiday because you just know you are not up to it, etc etc etc.....................................

feeling demoralize with the sickening cognitive neuroscience. spend 3 hrs, can't finish, dun understand, dunno where to and how to start or modify studying it.

will the last semester be a disaster? like the first semester... always being cast by shadow.

okay, gotta start somewhere again. feeling stress.. sigh..

ending of with something good. congrats to my brother for getting into the law faculty. hope he excel in it.. good job brother.. =)

signing out... 11.16am

Sunday, May 18, 2008

been eating alot recently. officially announce i have gain back all the weight i had lost. sad. (the weighing machine do not lie). anyway, i am now eating something healthier. cornflakes. i know i know. is all about eating again. but.. at least something healthier. cognitive dissonance theory. =.=

new playlist. a few new songs.

top of the list.. a very nice song.. enjoy =)

吴克群-为你写诗

爱情是一种怪事
我开始全身不受控制
爱情是一种本事
我开始连自己都不是
为你我做了太多的傻事
第一件就是为你写诗
为你写诗为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你我学会弹琴写词
为你失去理智
为你写诗为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你弹奏所有情歌的句子
我忘了说
最美的是你的名字

爱情是一种怪事
你的笑容是唯一宗旨
爱情是一种本事
我在你心里什么位置
为你我做了太多的傻事
第一件就是为你写诗

为你写诗为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你我学会弹琴写词
为你失去理智
为你写诗为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你弹奏所有情歌的句子
我忘了说
最美的是你的名字

为你写诗为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你我学会弹琴写词
为你失去理智
为你写诗为你静止
为你做不可能的事
为你弹奏所有情歌的句子
我忘了说
最美的是你的名字

我什么都能忘记
但唯一不忘的是你的名字
我什么都能忘记
但唯一不忘的是你的样子
我什么都能忘记
但唯一不忘的是你的名字
我什么都能忘记
但唯一不忘的是你的样子

signing out... 2.56pm

Friday, May 16, 2008

money.. =.=

okay. money is essential. you cannot deny it.

not that one have to be rich. but when you needed it. at least one dun have to fret about it. money is really a hugh problem in lots of ways. money sometimes = to trouble. maybe that is why people always say money hurt relationship. gee.. does it sound rather true?

well.. anyway, just thinking.. inquisitive me. in a not so beneficial way. =p

signing out... 10.48pm

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

assignment done - YES!

yes! i finally finished my stupid 3000 word essay. FINALLY.

hmm.. though i wished i was given a little more time before the office closed. sigh..

anyway, i am still glad. 2000 over words within a day. read journals. rewrite the sickening 800words that i had on monday (a waste of my time and the lack of sleep on monday. not forgetting missing out class. bringing the gears but not using. walking clumsily with it plus the laptop. okay. the last 3 got nothing to do with the 800 words =.=). ANYWAY. i must emphasized. i am GLAD that i finished it!!

but the bad side would be. "paralyzed" from the neck downwards. sobx. due to the constant sitting infront and typing non stop. am really feeling paralyzed. problem with turning my head because the neck would ache. wonder how am i going to sleep later.

wanted to reward myself a little with a nice dinner. but was too lazy to go out to get food. more of a tired. rewarding = do nothing. food come. but anyway, cooked noodles with lotsa ingredients (to reward =.=). think my dad gonna scream down my neck because i finished the whole packet (whole packet is operationally defined as 1 packet with 5 individual packets. =p) of noodles. not that it is nice.......

okay. shall do a last minute scan through before i sleep.

finally not so stress. dun have to snap at people (i am sorry pals.. and family). start to wonder once again. what will i be like when i start working with this idiotic temper of mine especially when i am stressed. well.. still a long way for me to be a good person. mada mada dane.

signing out... 11.57pm

Monday, May 12, 2008

sickening feeling. get lost

the feeling simply just sucks.

still in school. everyone is back home. resting. doing stuffs they like to. but i am stuck. stuck with the stupid proverb.

didnt managed to hand in my assignment. late again. totally disgusted. tired. *giddy.

fingers turning purple. numbness at the tip of the finger. of all time when i did not bring my jacket. the leacture room have to be freaking cold. *shiver. maybe because there was only me inside.

can't i get the assignment over and done with.

arghz. sickening feeling. maybe i am hungry.

signing out... 8.45pm

Sunday, May 11, 2008

assignment in trouble

so dead.. =(

a 3000 words essay to hand in by tml. but i haven't even managed to decide on the topic to do. which proverb should i do!! "birds of feather flock together", "familiarity breeds contempt", or "you scratch my back and i'll scratch yours".

sobx.. help..

okay. back to work.

signing out... 12.04pm

Friday, May 09, 2008

is friday. time just flies. days. weeks. months. very soon i will be moving on to another phase in life.

i supposed i did quite well the past few days. mood = peaceful.

had a test this morning. it was very bad. at least to me (not comparing with others), i think i can do better. reflecting. no one to blame except myself. murder weapon: poor time management, slow reading and maybe a little procrastination (but definitely better than year 1).

i know i should not cry over spilled milk. well. at least not anymore now. instead, i hoped to finish up my last assignment fast and good (despite very little time to cough out 3000words) and move on to prepare for my exam. well.. i suppose i just wanted to drink the belgium chocolate at coffee bean. =x hmm.. this exam. is very important. i really hope to end of with good results. to make up for my 1st semester. so,

Jiayou! 加油!

well.. despite having such high morale and enthusiasm now, am sure i will forget once i logoff my blog. haha.. anywayzzzzzz.... tonight is rest day. =D

okay. before i end off..... took the train home today. the second / third time i experience the train having problem. remembered the first time was the gates at toapayoh refused to open. commuters can actually touched the gates and look at the people like they are some display figures on the other end and vice versa. today, twice the train experience some problem at bishan station. but the most classic one was, seeing a lady "flew" when the train suddenly jam break. everyone thought that the train hit something hard (cos there was a loud bang) and there was discussion whether did someone jump down the tracks again. anyway, the lady nearly landed on top of two other people but luckily a guy nearby managed to grab her hand and give her a pull before she really fall on top of them.

didn't know what to eat for dinner. decided to go home and cook something. maybe i was just too tired so was kinda clumsy and careless.. hmm..... kept dropping the utensils and such. Zzz.. wanted to go home for dinner cos it is more convenient. but in the end... it turned out to backfire. crap. really should get some rest. dislike school work!! haha..

self-reflection: i am still childish. always blurt things out that i never meant it. i cannot explain my behavior. only hope i will be pardon for my "blurness". i know i cannot keep asking people to understand. i have to grow up. i am a slow learner. but a hardworking one (not 100%. but willing to). -end of reflection-

hmm... finding an identity. ain't defending. so stop saying that. ain't angry. just sorry not being able to help. still coping. a slow learner. after so many years. felt everything is further and further away. welcome to reality. that no one can understand each other. no matter how hard one tries. needs a rest. just talking nonsense again.

signing out... 9.57pm

Monday, May 05, 2008

awake. at this time. still working on my web page assignment. unlucky.. first, my software got problem. next, the template i found was not suitable. it was almost 2am then.

stressed. sobx. must be the ongoing assignments. one after another. or maybe it was just me.

sorry people. sorry for saying so much nonsense. really really sorry.

i wish i was better.

starting to question myself. my ability. my capability.

to be able to help people makes me happy.

but what if i could not help myself.

then what makes me?

signing out... 3.35am

Thursday, May 01, 2008

lately had been really busy. school work and stuffs.

had a presentation just this monday on dyslexia. how unlucky could i get. some other group is presenting the same topic as my group. what made it worst was, we both presented on the same day. =.= theirs were very much detailed, ours seems to touch only the surface but at least it is easier to understand without all the terminologies blah blah blah..

hopefully it will be okay..

mach band was postponed till next week. this 2 weeks is crucial weeks. or should i say all the way till exam.

people, keep your mood high and fight all the way till the semester ends!! *remind myself*

takecare..

signing out... 2.00pm