if the end of love is this hard. i would never love again. never again.

Sunday, December 31, 2006

in a few minutes time, it is going to be year 2007. why do people count down and start sending happy new year sms? i dunno maybe cos my year 2006 overall just ain't good and it ended terribly so how would i have the mood to actually celebrate the arrival of year 2007?

today is just one sad day again. in fact, i think the whole of dec just sux. first is christmas, now is new year eve (and it has very much to be blame on me and my sickening assignments), and today is officially my last day of work in the bookshop. never will u see any books in the now empty shop. never will i see my boss again. never see her frustrated look on her face whenever i make silly mistakes. it is really sad. and now i have to endure facing my sickening assignments when everyone are out having fun. actually i dun want to squeeze with the rest of the people out there. but i just wish i dun have the assignments bothering me and that i can stay at home and have some peace and happiness. obviously, it is not happening.

so much thing going through my mind now. but no words to describe. maybe just one. torture. it seems i am making things difficult for myself. or it might also seems i am pitying myself too. but i am really feeling terrible.

now i can hear ppl counting down and the fireworks. why am i leading such miserable life.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

sad, happy and frustrated

tml is going to be my last day of work at the bookshop. because the boss decided not to continue and maybe do something else. though i have been rather grumpy at the shop the past few weeks (because i "volunteered" to work on weekdays to help out but yet on the other hand i have tons of assignments to do), but i think i will miss the shop and the boss just as much. bi jing i've been working part time there for almost 3 years. yup. so seeing the shop now so empty kinda make feel sad. =( hope my boss will do well in whatever she decides to embark on and that we'll keep in contact. =)

watched the night at the museum just now. at first cs didn't wanna watch (but i want to) because he thinks it is going to be lame. but in the end, i think we both find it not bad. Quite cute i think. haha. want to catch death note 2. but i guess i will just have to wait till after mid jan. after that we went to breekz. we were suppose to go a few weeks ago. but i can't remember why in the end we didnt. must be one of the bad times. but overall, i enjoyed yesterday :)

lastly, its my so far assignments due date.

Jan:
1st wk - tutorial assignment
2nd wk - lab report & mid term exam
3rd wk - in class test & e nt looking forward to debate
4th wk - 2000 word essay & debate & lit critique

Feb:
1st wk - short assignment
2nd wk - study break
3rd & 4th wk - exams.

Mar:
start new semester. :(

Monday, December 25, 2006

Christmas

Today is christmas day. the weather is good. sunny, sky is clear. not a sign of rain. but yet the whole day seems gloomy to me (my own forecast).

christmas is one of the festival that i look forward the most. the christmacy ambience whereby all you hear is christmas songs on the radio, walking down orchard with all the christmas decorations up (though some might not be nice), admiring the decorations (deco that i can never have in my house cos the ceiling is not high enough. the house is not wide enough) in shopping centers like the ones in marina square.. buying presents for friends and family.. having a nice and fattening meal.. buying a log cake for the fun of it. christmas seems expensive. but i still enjoy it. though it might meant a hole in my pocket.

but this year. the ambience is missing. and i am left to stay at home to "enjoy" it.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

mood swing

was feeling rather sad a few minutes ago.. but now felt better. because my brother just sms-ed me "Merry Christmas".. haha.. seems like nothing much ehz? But means alot to me orhz.. haha.. anyway, happie happie. no need play freecell anymore.. go slp now.. :)

cold christmas

christmas is a few minutes away. not feeling really excited this year. dunno why. but managed to put my small christmas tree a few weeks ago with the help of my brother.. :) am suppose to be asleep now. because have to wake up early to get somethings done. but just can't sleep. tinking about a couple of things.. (i know i shld stop tinking too much)

the weather outside now is very cold. and it didn't help that the front of my house is open with nothing blocking and i am at the highest level. just a slight gap in the window and i can feel the wind coming in. "free aircon"

well.. tink i will just play freecell till i am tired..

Merry Christmas......

Monday, December 18, 2006

in a mess...

christmas is coming.. but my schedule is packed full with all the assignments and test that are mostly due first two weeks of january.. sobx.. there goes my christmas.. after all the assignments, it is still a no no break. because i will be having exams during feb.. maybe before, maybe after chinese new year.. Argh...

so there goes my christmas, my plans to bake cookies (as usual) and here comes my yet to start assignments.. my life is in a mess!!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

"VULNERABLE" <-- what the... !!!

today was one of the worst lesson i ever had. not because it was boring. in fact it was quite nice the first half of it because we watch a video on how a guy did profiling so as to track down a serial killer.. but the next part of the lesson just pratically su*cks..

not sure if i mentioned before. we were suppose to have a debate as part of our assignment. each group should participate at least 2 topics.. and since we have 4 grps, we will be having 4 topics.. apparently, while discussing which grp will debate which topic (we've 7 topics to choose from).. we unknowingly left out one group. so the link is... grp A, B, C, D. grp A was left out and grp B vs C, grp B vs D and grp C vs D. so grp A was completely left out.. ok. str8 to the pt. the problem was, grp A wanted to do topics that all other grps dun want to. so in the end they ended up with no opponents.. and to solve the problem.. one lady commented to scrape the topic grp B and C wanted to do. WHY? just so that each of the grp can debate with them. *did i get u all lost? anyway, both grp didn't want to because they dun see why shld we compromise them and do topics that THEY WANT to do. and not THEY who compromise US the topics WE WANT to do? and next thing i know.. the lady suggest to the teacher that she shld spread grp B and C evenly according to strength because.. it was clearly seen that grp B was the most VULNERABLE grp! okie.. now i dun get.. why did she suddenly change and say that grp B is vulnerable. just because our grp (yes u can guess.. i am talking abt my grp) dun speak out.. doesn't means we are vulnerable.. well.. i nearly forgotten one thing.. from the way i hear the lady speak.. she was as if accusing grp C for PICKING OUT on us.. because we are "vulnerable".. well well.. the first thing that came was.. are u sure it was grp C and not ur grp trying to pick out on us as well? anyway, everything ends up horribly because she got wat she want.. and she let the whole class know or maybe think that we are the "Vulnerable" group. wat the........

haix... anyway, even though i really feel like doing something so as to shut her mouth.. but somehow i just kinda fell into her trap; thinking.. is not that our group is vulnerable.. maybe i am the weakest one and i might just pull down the whole team.. is like.. sometimes u just wanna do something useful / purposeful but YET. dun have the heart, determination or what so ever to do it.. to make things work..

anyway, this year holiday is burnt. i have tons of assignments and tests (nt being pessimistic) to be finished during the christmas week.. because everything is due 1st 2 weeks of jan. and not to mention i am in my 6th week in school and nothing is done. so is 6weeks of chapters worth multiply by 3 modules.. i just simply need 48hrs a day. or if possible 2days of not falling asleep.. somehow.. i really really want to stay awake the whole night to study so that i can do well for my course.. but.. i can't.. cos i am yawning.. Zzz...

Saturday, December 09, 2006

what an experience! =.=

i was having eye irritation for over a week and recently i just went to see a doctor regarding that. because the usual doctor was on a holiday and i didn't want to wait for him to be back, i decided to go to another clinic. after walking for some time, i finally found a clinic. usually all clinic will start around 8.30am. but this clinic was "special" it starts at 9.30. seems like nothing much? read on..

when i reached the clinic, a couple of people was crowding around the door. i was puzzled. but didn't thought much. suddenly someone says.. here she comes! is like all that were waiting seems to know her.. and the next thing i know, when the door was 3/4 open, everyone sudden to rush in.. is not those type that walk quickly. is practically like a herd of cows rushing in.. =.=" and! of course i am not one of them.. Zzz... apparently, those who put their appointment card first gets to see the doctor.. next weird incident. while waiting, i decided to enquire why everyone comes to that particular clinic. cos to me, the clinic seems lil old and dusty as if i was going to see those chinese doctors and will be grabbing herbs after consultation instead of western medicine.. and i was rather concern if the lady was the doctor cum the counter lady. if so, i will be very late for school.. but luckily, she ain't holding two post at one time. but then, no one answer why they visit that clinic. well... anyway, i came to a conclusion why. maybe cos it is easier to get an mc there. because out of the 45mins that i waited and being the sixth person in queue. i realised 4 of them took mc. =.= halfway through, i started to notice the people. not that i am being mean or bias or watever.. but the people in the clinic were a lil erm.. vulgar. is their actions and the way they speak. most of them spoke language that i do not understand. but i was rather relieve when a young lady with 2 kids (few mths old and 5-7 yrs old) came in.. she seems more "normal". but all the impression changed when i came out of the consultation room.. i was totally stunned. because the lady that was normal.. was speaking and scolding her elder kid using language that i dun understand and giving no chance and face to the kid that have brought a milk bottle for his younger brother by mistake.

and so.. this was my clinic experience and i never wanna go to that clinic anymore. =.=

Saturday, December 02, 2006

christmas, school and.... stress..

started school a month ago.. more assignments and lectures to attend.. people starts to change as well.. one recent example is.. one of our assigment is to participate in a debate.. is compulsory and is within our class.. it seems like we were suppose to draw lots so as to be fair and that the group will be evenly distributed in strength.. but.. just because a few says that they do not want to group with certain people, thus in the end.. we started grouping ourselves.. which resulted in a lil inbalance base on the strength and fluency.. not trying to say that the so called weakest group can't perform.. but.. haix.. dun say le.. irritating..

exams results are back.. and i concluded i need a mentor.. i dun really know what's my problem not able to understand certain concepts.. but hopefully a mentor will help in answering the Qns.. but.. i dunno any seniors and i would preferably it was a female.. easier to communicate and to open up rather then hesistating whether the Qn i ask is stupid or not..

christmas is coming.. friends from overseas are coming back.. students in local uni are finishing their exams.. but my schedule is packed fully.. with all the assignments and mid term test scheduled beginning of jan.. my classmate jocelyn kept saying "Chill~" is still a long way.. haha. she is funny. but... i can't.. because i am not like her.. i am those last min even more kan chiong kind of spider.. Zzz...

so sad.. weather in singapore is turning cooler.. though with unpredictable rain.. but at least can wear jackets already.. haha.. my favourite!! still debating whether to buy boots.. really wanna own one.. though is really very impractical to wear one her in singapore.. but still...... and i still thinking whether i should set up my christmas tree.. dun ask me why.. but i just simply like.. haha.. but its so sad that i have to set up on my own (though my bro say he dun mind volunteer..) and taking it down on my own.. hmph. must as well set it up in my room.. Zzz..but the saddest part is this year no money to buy christmas present... what's the point of just a tree with no present underneath it. or worst still.. never ask me to put empty boxes so that it looks like present.. total =.="""" haha.. ok le.. think this semester just study harder and hopefully do very much better and forget about play.. gotta go to work.. :)