if the end of love is this hard. i would never love again. never again.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

its time to grow up!!

lately had been feeling very very restless. felt so angry with myself for snapping at my mummy. she is so nice, so patient. and i am playing the bad guy role now. snapping at her. i am so sorry. haiz. dunno wat has got into me!! did i mention in my previous entry that i sign the contract? guess i did. haiz. regret it. really do. but still trying to psycho myself to think positive. how can i achieve my dream job and my dream if i kept behaving this negative. i felt like screaming: COME ON!! GET HOLD OF URSELF LING XUAn!! haiz. *shake head.
think i am feeling restless coz of the job and coz i could not break this particular habit of mine. msn is getting quieter.. =( anywayz, back to the job. i had sign a 12 mths contract. aint sure izzit good. might be good and bad. but... i cant do anything right now right. haha. peifeng also sign a contract that day. and it seems like li hui and celeste will be applying for the job that peifeng had applied. if both of them also get in. which is most probably and high chances they will. then i will be the odd one once again. haiz. i know i aint suppose to think like this. but just cant help it u see... ok. i think i better shut my mouth now. coz i just snap at my dad. i am the worst person living on earth!! haiz. somehow everything seems so not right nowadayz. the thought that i will be starting work right after i come back from china makes me kinda felt like this time, no matter wat. i am going to grow up!! mentally.... is such a difficult process. but yet a process that everyone have to go through. else u will be left out. once again...
somehow or rather. i am beginning to revert to my old thinking once again. family and friends are more important then anything else. even having a bf also dun come as close as to the importance of friends and family. everytime i will just have this cycle. family and friends is the most important --> how will it be if u have a partner --> back again to family and friends is the most important. i suppose unless the right one appears, else i will forever be stuck in this cycle. pathetic ehz? haha.
feeling restless and sad again. later have to go back to work [part-time]. and meli will be starting work proper later. wish her lotsa luck in her job. and that she will do real GREAT and impress all. Yeah!! ^.^ meli is really nice. she alwayz listen to my nonsense. think she do get frustrated abt it at times too. coz i alwayz repeat it over and over and over again!! haha. but she is really a GREAT person, friend and she is like my elder sis. haha. meli, JIA YOU 4 ya job yeahz!!
gotta sleep le. really dun wanna be panda.

"might miss breaking the habit. but is sumthing that needa be done."