Is been a long while...

Is been a long while since i logon. Time really flew past unknowingly. Is the time of our lifespan (or maybe passed the time of our lifespan) to take up more responsibilities and to experience more responsibilities, more happiness, more sadness, more uncertainty, work politics, more talks on marriage or getting married or being married, and to reflect more.

Two significant events happened today in which I want to remember when I look back. Thus, I am jotting them down in this post.

Today, marks a day to learn to be more grateful, to treasure the people around me, to be proactive and not to regret or be hesitant in the things I want to. Today, my uncle passed away. I haven't been very close to any of my relatives since many years back. However, his passing saddened me so much that my tears flowed instantly. I didn't get a chance to see him one last round though something in my heart tingles saying I should go today. Maybe today was the day I grew up and learnt about having to accept somebody leaving. I do not remember crying or feeling this impact when my aunt whom I had been very close with since young passed away 12 years back. But yet, today.  . . . . . . . .

I have been struggling to find the meaning and the passion I once had when I first joined the teaching industry. Expectations of myself, of others on me, on me to the students grew and I slowly forgotten the joy I had when I first taught the kids. Instead, I am trying to complete tasks every single day. Today, while I am packing up to leave the office, I saw a figure at the door and I heard voices, "Hey.. 她来了！" which I presume was referring to me walking to the door. I opened and the lady at the door said, "我的女儿说，你是她小时候的 favourite teacher." I peeped and realised it was one of the school's ex-student. Being a new teacher, I was never her permanent teacher and I just relief her class once in awhile during my short 3 months with them. So, the sentence her mum said had a strong impact. It jolted me back to 6 years ago. To the type of teacher children will enjoy. Thus, this second significant event reminded me to try to be a better teacher from tomorrow onward.

With that, I shall sign out and hope that I had truly learn and remember today.

Signing out... 16/1/17, 11.59pm

Back to this blog to rattle. Time passed so fast. From the start if this blog till now. I guess is almost 10 years. And i am in a new phase of the series 10s. Not 10, not 20.

I reckon i should come back and post everytime i feel upset because, no body really read blogs now. So, it doesn't matter even if i feel like "crying" in here.

I am not exactly going to cry. Though i was on the verge a moment ago. Life hasn't been that good. At least i felt it wasn't most of the time as i stuggled to keep the good n positive ones inside me to stop me from being weak n break down.

Just yesterday, i felt better n more motivated after meeting Jocelyn. She is so opposite of me nd sometimes, i wish i could be a little like her. Maybe. I will be better. However, 24hrs later, I am back to the character that is similiar to - Sadness in the movie Inside Out. I know i am not Sadness. At least i was once not. Anywayz.... i am lost in what i want to say.



I am feeling ... right now cos of my results . I scored one of the worst result i ever had. I was already not good at it. N now it has gotten worst. Something is just so wrong. I can't or didn't find out. Want to tell my mum. Can't. Want to tell my dad. Can't. Want to tell my friends. Can't. Want to tell cs. Can't.


Did tell ant when the horrible result sank into my consciousness. But regretted immediately. Want to ask how. What to do next. But realised, there is actually no how n no what to next. I was confident. I wldnt do that badly. Everyone said it was the easiest ever. I felt so too. Thought so too. But apparently, i am one person that cannot be confident n have to stay low in SE so that things work. I know. Jocelyn gonna say this self fulfilling prophecy. But this is really true. Every time i m confident. I felt like i was let down. By myself.

Sigh. I am tired. So will stop here. May i feel better soon.

Signing out... 1810

Just came back from a wedding. My very very good friend wedding. Hmm.. Very very good friend probably is not the right word. Probably a very special friend's wedding.

Is hard to say. But I had always feel very thankful and grateful to this special friend. During the time that I am really down, my friend will be there to listen and give advice. My 3rd year exams and assignments in Uni got through with the help of my friend studying at Expo Coffee bean. Taking a long journey home from Singapore Poly feels nothing when I have my pink headphone (now spoilt). Many many other things that makes this friend so special.

Today, I am so glad that he finally found the one. Someone who will treasures him as much as he treasures her. Congratulations and well done! I am so proud of you! You will be happier and blessed more and more every day! =)

Lastly, thank you for being such a good and special friend. You are one of the friend that I am so glad to have. ^-^ be happy and 幸福 always~ :)

Signing out... 1.28am

head and eyes too painful and tired. I just hope to fall asleep.....

In another few more minutes, it will be end of November... Well, u can also say is December... =)

November. It had been an exciting month. With me clocking the latest timing that I ever got home (12.30am) and earliest timing to reach the office (5.30am) since I started in my job... Another memorable or probably a significant event was to stand up for myself and my colleagues upon being backstabbed. But as usual, until things had gotten bad then I realize... But in the end, I was still outwit by a young girl who thinks she is a threat with her diploma that has leadership as compared to mine which doesn't. But she forgotten. I am not just a diploma student. And I chose not to take it. Since when will she be a threat. Tsk tsk. But then again. I was outwitted by her "intelligent" moves in being the innocent victim but yet behind me calling me always sitting, looking innocently and 见死不救 when I have absolutely no idea when she is talking about...

Anyway, I am tired talking about this over and over. Really..... Disgusted with the events and the people. Prolly upset with myself too . For not being able to resolve my thoughts...

Putting that aside, this year's birthday ain't that bad. Is always great to be able to celebrate with the love ones.nothing beat that.

Oh. Not forgetting to mention. Things that I feel regretful and prolly things I have reflected. Just on Thursday, I had a great fight with my mummy. I had never ever rebutted back like what I did on Thursday. Prolly cos of all the events that had happened. I just couldn't take it when my mummy has to continue.however then again, though I had not exactly settled down my thoughts. But I had definitely cool since Thursday. I had never cried so hard . So hard that I really really couldn't make myself sob. It felt like am in a drunken state. Though I dunno how a drunken state felt like. Dun want to know either....

So anyway, I started off with a blast right after aging by 1 year. I stood up for myself for being backstabbed but yet can't outwit a young girl which everyone just say is cos she ain't grown up yet (believe it?) I had an enormous fight with my mum which I had never really did before. I started to realize that I actually only have a few really good friends and some I guess I have lost them... I realized that I should not be celebrating birthday after 27 cos it shows that I am going to be 30 which is so uh oh cos I dun think my brain has worked up to that maturity and my life definitely could be better (though I dunno how so as of yet).

With all that, I shall turn it and may December be a great month . Cos December is call the Christmas month. The month I get broke with gifts but fulfilling to share the joy of giving.

Till then. Goodnight. ^^

Signing out... 1st December 2013; 00:10

Work had not been good.relationship with colleagues had been terrible.though my age had been increasing. But my mentality in solving such problems had not. Though I am not defeated,I am definitely affected.

At this age of about to be 30. I wonder whether I had achieve adequately enough (putting myself aside)to provide my parents. I can confidently say I did okay at work and had learnt lots as an individual. But as I grew older, my parents grew older too. So am I ready for my parents. To provide them and accept they are growing older and that my brother has a life too. Is time to think and make a decision what kind of life I want or should work on over this holiday. I hate talking about things fearing that I am not able to achieve. Thus, I would hereby say, I am not confident if I can fulfil what I just thought and mention.

As people start to get married and get older, this thought came to me to just forget about it and dun think. Best is to dig a hole and just hide in the cave. Not sore about it.just dun wanna know think about it.

Signing out... 1413hrs, J8

Looking through last year's photo really bring back lots of memories.

My students. My Korea trip. My birthday. Friends' wedding. Meeting old friends.

Makes me smile.

Sweet dreams! =D

Signing out... 2338

Welcome to xuaner85.blogspot.com

Love is like a river,
will cut a new path;
whenever it meets an obstacle.
-Crystal Middlemas-

Lingxuan
18 November
Scorpio

my family members
friends
glow in the dark objects
super junior, shinee, kara ^^ snsd/Mblaq/f(x)(beginning)
jackets!
snow globes

cockroach
bugs,any flying insects
Hates
Hates

Snow globes
Polaroid
Overseas study Masters
Stay in different countries
Headphone √
Roller Skates
Optical Mouse √
Digital Camera
Badminton shoes / racquet